NasiDage SekayeLabu

Yesterday Sunday 19th, 22 friends turned up for nasi dagang and sekaya labu. My happiness was beyond words. Ayong was very surprised to see my old school friends in our late 40's [48 to be exact] came for a 'makan makan' [casual get together]. Thinking that only two of my friends would come, Ayong invited her good friend and her family [who have became family friends] from Selayang for the nasi dagang and sekaya labu. They arrived at 10 am and we had a jolly fun breakfast. Never in my life had I imagined to be having breakfast with friends who would come all the way from KL. That was a nice surprise. [like the one I got from a friend who came back from Dubai and had the thought of giving me a 'nasi lemak Restoran Azhar' surprise on the fourth day of raya but it was the friend who was surprised to find that nasi lemak was sold out before ten. I could only offer kimchee and bihun for breakfast].

Bigger surprise was in store. First Rohi and her two daughters came. Rohi is staying in Jerantut but I hardly see her. Rohi looked sophisticated in gray baju kurung and white scarf befitting a lady of leisure ... ;P . Her girls are beautiful.

Next, Amdan arrived with his elder sister and wife. Rohi last saw Amdan in 1975. We were 15 years old then. And even so, we hardly speak to each other. Rohi was in English medium class whereas Amdan and I were in the Malay medium.

But yesterday, it was like we have been the best of friends since forever. Conversations flowed freely. Time just flew by ever so quickly. Amdan had to leave to visit an aunt in hospital just as Sher arrived with husband. Rohi left too because her girls were getting tired [hehehe ... listening to old mokcikZ tales]

Sher was accompanied by her husband. I have been to Sher's house a couple of times and met her JB [our reference for husbands].

I was worried that Manan [Sher's JB] might feel a bit out of place when the two old mokcikZ just couldn't stop chattering. Luckily, Ayong's friend's father [in white kopiah] joined us at the table. [I was feeling a bit guilty too for not being able to entertain Ayong's friend but they make themselves like family members and I was very grateful to them for being there].

Next, Tim and her niece arrived with Zipah in a convoi. Boy!!! I had the biggest surprise. Zipah arrived with her youngest son AND JB!!

Here is the pic of Hj Duan, Zipah and Tim sitting while Sher laughing at me for forgetting the apron. The pic is heavily cropped and Tok Moh will have to get his reading glasses to look at the pic.

This pic here is specially dedicated to Im who first brought up the memory of sekaya labu. Im couldn't make it yesterday for some reason. Sorry Im, this is the best I could do. I forgot to take a better pic of the "lelabu kaya". You can see better pics of the labu on From My Kitchen Album on hi5 here.

At almost dusk, Ayong's new friend from the bank dropped by with her whole family [hubby, two sons and a daughter]. We totally forgotten the camera. What a bummer!!!

This one is specialy dedicated to Senah ... KIM CHEE [sp] on garlic buttered toasted french bread.

I wish to say thank you to Ira and family, Amdan and maam + sister, Rohi and her two lovely girls, Sher and JB, Tim and niece, Zipah, son and JB, and Pn Rozana and family for making my weekend the best ever. Hehehe!!! Almost had a dramatic effect for "Permintaan Terakhir".

Heyy!!! Since nasi lemak Restoran Azhar is now 'diluted', how about a get together this December with MY nasi lemak here at Kg Kool? There's even picked cockles sold here. Maybe Sher can vouch for the meanness of my chilly ...

15 Syawal - Full Moon

As I closed a chat window with the buddy who introduced me to the delight of cyber chat, I was overcome with loneliness. My friend who used to be on the other side of midnight was my inspiration. I drew so much strength from our discussions and exchanges through space.

It was hot inside the house. The fan churned up steamy air. I went out and sit on the porch. It's been a while since I last came out of the house, alone, late at night. It was the fifteenth day of the month. The moon was full. The night was still. It was silent. Not even sound from the crickets.

The air was warm but I shuddered thinking about going under a surgeon's scalpel again at the end of the month. Am not scared of the operation. I've been through three major ones. It's what the doctor might find that is spooking me.

The full moon was bathing everything with her cold silver light throwing the swaying coconut fronds into dancing silhouettes.

Ahh!!! A steaming mug of black coffee with Kitaro on the background. The caffeine did not help my jittery nerves though. I was pretty disturbed.

The stillness of the night was broken occasionally by the passing trailers. Celine Dion's Alone came to mind. "... and the night goes by so very slow. I hope that it won't end though. Alone. Till now, I always get by on my own. I never really care until I met you. And now it chills me to the bone."

This is my view from the porch. The sky was unbelievably bright at almost midnight. Gosh!!! the loneliness felt like a cold blunt knife piercing the heart.

Alahai Anak Omak

Saturday, my son Epit came home with his friends. I had to be in school helping out to prime the library for a competition at national level. PMR is starting on Monday and a bunch of girls asked to see me for last minute revision.

Epit and his friends had lunch at his grandma's place. His grandma made special kari ayam kampong and his aunt at the stall prepared sambal udang with petai. He arrived home quite late in the afternoon.

Earlier during the week he called asking to have barbecue with his friends. I still have some tenderloin roast from raya already marinated and frozen. So it was just a matter of defrosting the beef and getting the the coal to burn.

Here we are enjoying the crisp evening tending the grill. Epit's taking the pic, yours truly monitoring, Ayong busy taking the grilled beef to the grandparents [10km away]

Here's Ayong beside Epit's friend. Especially to all mokcikz reading this blog, please note that the friend is a girl. Also it's not that the picture is not clear. It's the smoke from the grill.

Here they are enjoying the beef off the grill.

It was a pleasant evening. I got to see the other side of my children. Suddenly, I can see that my son is growing up. I was happy to note his efforts at taking charge of the situation. Most of all I was happy to see Ayong dispensing her duties naturally and comfortably.

The next morning, I made nasi dagang with chilly ikan tongkol and pineapple and cucumber salad on the side. I had this dish in Kemaman way back in the early nineties and I find that the nasi dagang is actually better with chilly ikan tongkol and fresh salad instead of the traditional 'gulai' which I find too rich. Well, Ayong didn't get to send some of the rice to grandma. It turned out to be a favourite with Epit and his friends. Anyway it was way past breakfast time.

Down Memory Lane - Azhar Restaurant

Yesterday 10th Syawal, Senah my blog sifu flew down from Brunei to send her girl for an interview with one of the universities. We planned a rendezvous at Restoren Azhar; our fav nasi lemak spot way back in 1973 when we first started our life in SMSP [now SEMSAS]. Our chat buddy; kambing gurun, came back from Dubai for raya celebration and went looking for the nasi lemak on the fourth day of raya and was disappointed because it was sold out hours before he got there.

I wish to share the pics of my rendezvous with SMSP77 yahoogp members as I have problem loading them there.


Here's the grill on the only window. By the look of the design, I think this is the original grill put up by the owner since the beginning of the business. I have this deep suspicion in me that the anti-rust paint on the grill is also very old. Perhaps as old as the grill itself.

The most unique sign I have never found anywhere else is this particular notice. Originally the sign was written on manila card with black marker. Next the writing was done on a piece of white cotton cloth tacked to a piece of wooden frame. Now it is written in chalk on a piece of black rice paper and mounted on an aluminium frame.

Haa!!! Nasi lemak in the wooden barrel. I asked the children who have taken over from Mr Azhar the original nasi lemak man: if it is the same barrel used in 1973. He said that barrel is five years old. Senah who doesn't usually remember very much, remembered that the barrel used in 1973 was bigger.

I remember in 1973, my fav nasi lemak was served with chilly cockles. Now there is only beef chilly and dried squid chilly.

Used to be fifty sen per hefty serving. Now is RM3.00 and the serving is so tiny.

Or could well be the 'container' has GROWN ... hahaha !!!


















Hmmphs ... compare the one on the right who didn't seem to mind the tiny serving ...



Just for the record ... the 50km [one way] drive was NOT ... repeat ... NOT for the nasi lemak. It was heaven to take that walk down memory lane ACCOMPANIED. My sifu wrote about the meeting and posted some pics here.

Thank you Senah for taking the trouble to drop by. Bless you.

4 Syawal 1429 Hijriah

Today is 4 Syawal 1429H. I started blogging on 6 Syawal 1428H. Then I was full of anger. A close friend suggested I vent off my anger through blogging. I wasn't sure I could keep a blog. I never could keep a diary before. With friends encouragement, here I am after one year and a number of postings. I really owe a big thank you to my dear friends.

I still have inhibitions, still not spontaneous with my writing but I am happy with what I have done so far. And most of all, I am happy that some of the anger I harboured is gradually ebbing.

I am trying to upload the raya pics. Unsuccessfully. My server has not been very friendly these past few days. In fact, for the last two days I was not even able to access the network. Network was too busy.

I have been using Maxis post paid service since 2002. When I visited Melaka I used to get this error message on my mobile "Network busy". I was surprised when I got the network busy message here in Kg Kool.

Ahh!!! Picture upload is working. Here's this year's raya pic with my two children. We are yellow this year.


Last year we were green. View pic here.








And here's another one with the clan minus my eldest brother's family and one of my younger sister's.

Father is a lot better. Last year he could hardly sit after falling down a rambutan tree two months before raya.

14 September

Today is the 14th day of Ramadan. Last night Ayong and I had our breaking of fast at my mum's. Driving back with Ayong behind the wheel [nowadays with my children around, I don't have to do any driving when not too long ago I had to drive 600km to fetch them from hostels], she remarked that the moon was full. Yes! It was a lovely, leisure drive home on tummies full and warm with mother's cooking.

It's been a while since I last enjoyed the quiet, cold evening sky bathed in the pale moonlight. When I first came back to Jerantut, I used to enjoy sipping steaming mug of black coffee on the porch admiring the full moon peeking through the silhouette of the coconut trees listening to Kitaro ... wishing and hoping and dreaming and ...

On Thursday, four members from the opposition or rather the government in waiting, went to Taipei in a supposedly attempt to coax several government MPs to crossover so the opposition leader could take over and become the prime minister of the country.

Personally, I agree with the popular view that the present government is corrupt and the leadership is weak. Yes, the people are unhappy over the fuel price hike which threw the country into much chaos but I was hoping that a strong opposition would be able to balance things. The country has never had the opposition this strong. Perhaps a strong opposition in a two party system will bring good to the nation.

Ramadhan AlMubarak is here

Today is the start of Ramadhan the fasting month. I got up at 4 am and prepared a complete meal of rice, vegetable soup and beef dish. My daughter is home and when I woke her up thirty minutes later for the early morning meal, we both enjoyed the ritual. Somehow the 'sahur' [early morning meal] took on a 'new' meaning. Since I was 14 years old, I did not 'enjoy' the sahur because of my bad experience at hostel. I wrote about the experience here.

That first day sahur with straight from the can government ration sardine really took the spirit of Ramadhan from me since then. Even after I got married and have my own children, I have problem taking the sahur. But this morning, it was different. Ayong and I planned to have the first day sahur with the grandparents. We were getting excited talking about the special 'daging bakar cicah air asam' [roasted beef with special hot and sour sauce] my mother used to make when I was small and learning to fast. The smell of freshly roasted beef would get me and my siblings out of bed in the wee hours for the sahur especially on the first day of fasting. We were poor then and food was scarce but my parents always made it a point to have meat for the first day sahur.

However, since Epit the brother has not come home yet, we hold the plan to drive 10 km and roast the beef at my mother's in the wee hours. In fact, we were doubting if we would even get up for the sahur because we have not done so forever. Furthermore, we watched CSI on TV and went to bed rather late.

I postponed taking my high blood pressure pills for later, set the alarm for 4.00 am and slept on the sofa.

When the alarm went off at 4.00 am, I got up without much difficulty and cooked vegetable soup and the beef Ayong marinated earlier. I didn't roast the beef though. Just fried it with onion and red chilli the way my mum used to do.

Then I woke Ayong up. She had some difficulty getting up but the smell of the freshly cooked beef managed to entice her out of her slumber.

It was a quiet affair. Just the two of us. It was an effort to eat. But when the soup warmed our tummies and after taking a bite of the freshly cooked beef, the dreariness wore away. Small chats flowed as we enjoyed each other's company.

After the meal we started making plan for the coming eid feast. Since the family broke up, we had a difficult time celebrating eid. Last year, things started to cheer up a bit but it didn't last. We were uncomfortable when guests kept asking where was the father. When we first moved here [five eids ago], Ayong and I paid the customary visits to the neighbours. After the second house, we stopped. It felt like we were interrogated by the neighbours and their family. Not a very nice feeling at all. We have not been visiting neighbours since.

Hmm ... it is nice to feel that tinge of excitement again after all these years. I pray my health will hold up and god's willing, we will have a great eid celebration this year. Amin!

Merdeka Day

Today is Merdeka day. But it doesn't feel or look like the usual merdeka day. I am so sad over what is happening. It feels like I am losing this place I call home. I am overwhelmed by the hopelessness of the situation. This feels really bad.

It gets worst because the vote I casted on March 8 contributed to this chaos. I thought my vote was a 'smart' one. I truly believed my country would benefit from a strong opposition. So did many other 'smart' ones. Government lost the two third majority. The opposition quickly seized the opportunity and formed a loose coalition which gave them an unprecedented advantage which saw them taking over five states.

The government gets weaker with the global fuel and food crises. Coupled with a prevailing corruption, nepotism and cronyism isues; the Malay Muslim led government is challenged along the line of racial discrimination. What the country had achieved the past 51 years is now deemed null and void. It came down to nothing. The opposition is saying that the Malay Muslim led ruling party has plundered the country's wealth at the expense of other races which made up 40% population of this once beautiful country.

Things are ugly now and could get even uglier when the once DPM who was jailed for power abuse [with an allegation of sodomy which is a crime in this country] returned to parliament as the opposition leader through a by-election forced by his wife's [who was the MP for the constituency] resignation in order to give way to him.

What I am against is the idea of the power seize put forth by the opposition. Whatever the shortcomings are for the democracy that has been practiced in this country, the ruling party WON the last general election 140 to 80. It is undemocratic to get MPs to cross over. The people had cast their votes and given their mandates. True the country is in grave need of reformation but the people has 'spoken'. They chose 140 MPs from the ruling party and 80 from the oppossition.

The opposition has never had it this good before. Their voices a louder now. They could provide a very effective check and balance.

But no ... they have to rule the country and it has to be now.

In the face of two global crises, the opposition is mocking the spirit of democracy and political ethics.

What a cheap skate.

Ayong's Convo

Saturday 23rd August 2008, Ayong had her convocation. She had been planning for the event for months. I am proud to note that she somehow made her grandparents' presence on the day as the most important thing for her. Her grandfather had been unwell and turned depressed. She bought special matching batik dress for the grandparents and talked her uncle into closing his food stall for the day. Bullied her brother into getting new shirt and pants and made him miss one class.

I had to take the grand
parents home in the afternoon. Her grand
father was getting very tired. Ayong planned to spend the next TWO days taking photographs with her friends. I took the grandparents home. The old man was excited and talked about it the whole journey home. I was glad that his depression was lifted.

On Monday, very early in the morning I had to go to the hospital for a fasting blood test. Ayong called from KL asking me to take leave from work to go for a studio photograph session at the university. I took a bus to KL and she had her brother picked me up from the bus station in Titiwangsa. She was so happy. She had been to see her father and took a studio photo with him and his family. So she wanted a studio photo with me and her brother. It takes two weeks to be ready.
In the meantime I am posting this photo taken on that second day at the campus.

Here's one with her obliging brother. Both of them really made me happy. Her brother went to all the troubles just to make sure Ayong had a perfect convocation.

She even made me brought over her brother's leather shoes on the first day but through all the commotion, her brother forgot to take it out of the car and here he is with his casual shoes. He borrowed the jacket and tie ... just to oblige his sister's wish.

I thank God for them everyday.



Here's Ayong doing the customary graduating act with her close friends. She missed the one with her classmates on the first day ... she had to look for me and her grandmother who were LOST coming out of the main hall after the ceremony.

Looking at the smiles on the girls faces, what more could a mother ask for?















* ********** MY JEWEL *********

*** Here's wishing you all the best my love!!!

Napoleon Syndrome@ Short man Syndrome

It was rather late when I took my car to the wash. Need to shine up the old hero for tomorrow's BIGGG event. He he he!

As I came out of the car, a small fierce looking dog came running. I have no idea what breed of a dog it was. Looks like a dachshund but most probably not a throughbred ... anyway am not familiar with dog breed.

It didn't bark. More like showing itself to the visitors [read: customers] then it retreated under a car.

Somehow, I related the dog's behaviour to someone I know in cyber. A fellow alumnus whom I perceived as very arrogant to the point of being rude. He is very much my junior and we actually started out cordially. In fact for a few months we chatted regularly on internet.

He is a regular contributor to our alumni yahoo group. For a brief period, I was made a moderator for the said e-group. He is very patronizing and tend to look down on others' opinion on almost every issue ... religous especially.

Wikipedia gave this definition:-

Napoleon complex is a colloquial term describing an alleged type of inferiority complex which is said to affect some people who are physically short. The term is also used more generally to describe people who are driven by a perceived handicap to overcompensate in other aspects of their lives. This term is also known as Napoleon syndrome,^[1] Short Man syndrome,^[2] and Small Man syndrome.

Ayong's Mortar

Tomorrow Ayong is going to have her convocation. She wanted her grandfather and grandmother to be her guests of honour. I am delegated the task of chauffeuring the guests of honour to the ceremony.

We have to be in the hall at 8.00 am. If we are to make it to on time, we have to arrive at the university before eight just to ensure a parking spot. Otherwise, this old chauffeur might not be able to make it to the hall on time.

It is a bliss to see Ayong so excited about her convocation. She went looking for special batik material for her dress to be worn tomorrow long before she graduated. She dragged me to Central Market thinking she could find good batik material there.

Quietly, I asked my Ganuese and Kelantanese friends to get hold of some batik with the latest design and colour from the two batik producing states. They brought back few nice pieces and Ayong was so happy to get her choice of batik. The material was duly sent to the tailor. She allocated a large chunk of her first salary on matching head cover and shoes and also dress and shirt for her guests of honour.

She was complaining that UIA's graduating attire does not come with a mortar. She was thinking of getting her own ... by hook or by crook!

Just her luck, UIA decided to change the colour of their robes and throwing in a mortar as well. Ayong got her wish. I can't thank God enough for this slip of good fortune. Last week she went to get the robe and she had a whale of time posing in it even before she reach home. That's my girl!!!

Most importantly, deep down inside I know she has made her grandparents very proud and happy.

I am.

Walking Legend

Beijing Olympics 2008 opening ceremony on 8.8.08 was hailed as the best and most colourful in the history of Olympics.

In the face of natural disaster that hit China one after the other, Chinese still managed to come up with their best show. Their athletes are just as incredible. I won't be surprised to see Chinese swimmers taking over from Phelps in the next Olympics.

But then, 8.8.08 being an auspicious date for the Chinese, little wonder they are doing so well [take that with a lot of salt, please!!!]

On home front, a local daily ran an article about Malaysian walking legend Khoo Chong Beng who will serve as the assistant chief judge or Executioner for the walking events at the Beijing Olympics today.

For Khoo, the winner of four gold medals in the SEA Games series and bronze medalist at the 1978 Asian Games, this will be his second appearance at the Olympics. His first was as a participant at the Montreal Olympics in 1976. Taking part in the 20km walk, Khoo finished 32nd in a field of 48 participants.

In the 70's, the 'in' thing was to have pop stars or movie/tv stars as pin ups. My friends put up posters of Shaun Cassidy, Lee Majors, Farah Fawcett, Starsky and Hutch, Kiss and Santana among others [couldn't recall now ... hmmm]. I couldn't remember any sports stars being a pin up.

Apart from occasional newsprint posters of Patrick Duffy The Man From Atlantis [he was better known as one of the Ewing brothers on Dallas], I put up pictures of Khoo Chong Beng to adorn my locker and files [BESIDES Rishi Kapoor and Dimple Kapadia of Bobby - I was an ardent hindi movie fan. I grew up on estate where we had free movie every weekend ... mostly, Tamil and Hindi movies].

I am wondering now why did I choose to idolise Khoo Chong Beng. At 15, I couldn't have appreciated his achievements in sports. Anyway, his choice of sports was little known unlike badminton or football.

I guess I must have fallen for him because of his hair [same hair style as Patrick Duffy]. Ha ha ha.

What do you know ... At 60 he still looks dashing! Nicer hair cut too.

Ode to brave women

This is a story of a friend.

A very good friend.

When her husband got himself another woman, she left.

She has children and the husband never tried to gain custody of them nor bothered with child support.

She made a life for herself and her children. Feed them, clothe them, educate them until finally the first child graduated and started working.

She was on cloud nine. She was hoping that her first born would be able to live a life she didn't get to live.

With her meagre income, she couldn't afford to provide much to ease her first born in establishing the first step into an entirely different world. The world of a young working adult. A yuppy world.

She went as far as taking out a loan to help her child rent her own place, buy her bed and other basic necessities including transport.

The loan was not a gift. She was much too poor to afford such luxury. She was just a proxy and the arrangement was for the child to take care of it as soon as possible which would take three months at the very least.

Before second month passed, the child got a call from the father. The father wanted the child to be the proxy for him to get a car loan. The father was blacklisted long ago.

My friend was sad by the turn of the event. The child was confused.

How very selfish of the father. By asking the child to be the proxy for his car loan, he is denying the child of the chance to be in control of her financial, her plan, her life.

No doubt he will be paying the monthly installments, but the mere fact that the child is taking out the loan for him [ten years duration] is going to have serious implication on her financial standing. She should be thinking of investing in a house or doing other things such as furthering her studies. Children should have the freedom to plan for their own life, not tied up to their parents' financial commitment.

I must salute my very good friend.

She calmly and quietly gave her piece of mind directly to her ex husband.

The child was very humbled by her mother's courage and all the good values she instilled in her.

My very good friend was proud to know that despite her bitterness towards her broken marriage, her child was able to understand the right values in life.

I know so because I was there with her when she was going through it all.

Each Day I Live ...

Last Tuesday I went for a follow up with a gynae at HTAA Kuantan. The doctor did a pap smear and cervical biopsy and ordered further tests. The biopsy was done without any anesthetics. The doctor said I'd feel a 'vacuum' in the process.

I did not expect any pain.

The 'vacuum' was in fact a sharp spreading pain [ngilu]. It was like being pierced with thin blunt needles. The doctor had problem securing the desired amount of tissue and the vacuuming was repeated five times. I writhed in pain. I may have to go it again if the sample collected was insufficient.

I wished I was given some kind of anesthetics.

I requested for a mammogram and an appointment was set up for 27th August. This would be my second.

I took the opportunity to visit my alumni's second vice president who was warded on the 8th floor for viral fever.

It was leptospirosis.

The one my son had when the doctor at UIA medical centre diagnosed it as dengue fever.

The diagnosis was based on platelets counts. After three days, the count showed a slight decrease. The doctor said only when the count drop to 90 [I don't remember the actual number now] will my son be warded. In the meantime he was given paracetamol to ease the severe headache and high fever and sent off to his room with an order to come to the clinic every day for platelet count. He could hardly walk.

I took him home and nursed him the whole week before he begged to be taken to hospital. He was very sick. I took him to Jerantut hospital emergency unit.

After ten days, his platelets did not drop any further. I was sure it was the miracle of papaya leaf juice I kept feeding him every twelve hours.

However, the doctor at the emergency unit was sure it was not dengue. They diagnosed typhoid fever for the severe vomiting and high fever. He was warded and put on drip. A blood test was ordered.

I don't remember now how many days it took the doctors to finally recognized it as leptospirosis. I remember the attending doctor recommended that my son be transferred to Hospital Hj Ahmad Shah Temerloh for better facilities.

I refused on the ground that it would take another cycle of tests which will take more time. There was less than ten patients in Jerantut ward. The doctor had more time to attend to my son.

He went into hyperthermia. His temperature shot up to 41 degrees. Trainee nurses ran over each other to give him the ice bath. That amused him despite the severity of his condition.

The blood test result came and it turned out to be leptospirosis - a bacterial infection often wrongly diagnosed because of the wide range of symptoms [which include high fever, severe headache, chills, muscle aches, and vomiting, and may include jaundice, red eyes, abdominal pain, diarrhea, and/or a rash. The symptoms in humans appear after a 4-14 day incubation period].

My son was immediately given penicillin intravenously which miraculously brought his fever down. Plus doxycycline 100 mg orally every 12 hours for 1 week. Doctor let him returned to university after five days on doxycyline.

He missed three weeks of class and a few quizzes which contribute to his overall CGPA. Well! His PTPTN is being held for this semester because his CGPA is not up to the mark

He asked for a 'loan' from me. He quoted some monthly figures and I just nod my head without actually computing. I was too lost down my memory lane. He sounded just like his old man. I was left wondering how on earth [when is more apt] is he going to pay for the loan.

But then, God made mothers with great understanding and soft hearts.

I wonder if my son thank God for me?

Ode to my dear friends

I found this piece (without the title) in my inbox, sent by a dear friend. I am reproducing it with a bit of addition (in black).

The sombreness of the verses reflects my present mood. I am back to where I started ... watching things I gave my life to ... broken. Hoping there is still enough strength left to start all over gain.

Here's to all my friends. Wishing each and every one blue skies and everything nice. Forgive me if I have been a pain in the ###.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand (or vice-a-versa)

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real … but only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson,

love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life

It is said that love is blind but friendship is perceptive.

Making decisions

There was a nice posting on my egroup today. Reading it make me reflect on two events that happened last week. First, here is the posting:-

Making Decisions

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.

The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make........ ........

Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?

Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to
play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.

The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track!

Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.

"Remember that what's right isn't always popular... and what's popular isn't always right."

Everybody makes mistakes; that's why they put erasers on pencils.

Event number one.

A colleague with more than twenty years experience in the business, stood up to voice out her concern about losing focus of our core business. There were just too many ad hoc programmes which impinge seriously on some of our schedule.

Boss was gracious enough to 'accept' the comment during the meeting.

But guess what? The next day there was news of a repercussion for giving an opinion in a meeting. One after the other colleague thinks she should have taken it to the side behind boss's closed door.Although she was on the right track, vox populi sidelined her far sightedness.

Event number two.

I set up an egroup and named it exssssssHD. Exssssss because I am an ex student of SSSSSS. HD stands for Heavy Discussion.

After more than half a year, a newly elected president of the alumni's association which is registered as EXSSS caught whiff of my egroup. He asked me privately to explain what exsssssssHD is all about and subsequently 'asked me nicely' to change the name. He insisted to have it put on record that he had asked me nicely. Others have abide by his request in his capacity as a president of the alumni.

I posted my answer to his question on another egroup which actually belongs to him copied of course to my own egroup concurring to his request. Included in my answer was my opinion that rather than asking me to change the name, why not make it compulsory for such like groups to register with the alumni association and have the president or his representative join the groups to keep an eye and disseminate information.

I received a few brickbats for my posting.

Some of my friends thought I should quietly abide to the request and not make a mountain out of a molehill.

Some thought it was morally wrong of me to have my own group and discuss issues on it.

No one sees the logic of my suggestion. Some even missed the last line in which I proclaimed my group closed !!! Ssshhhheeeeeezzzzz !!!

I set up the group AFTER the owner of the other group announced [few times] to close it down.

Also, many members of the other group abhor long postings of heavy topics.

Furthermore, there was no legal complication whatsoever with naming the group as I did.

I believe there was no reason for the president to ask me to change the name. In fact by doing so, he has encroached on MY right. He is telling me what to do in matters beyond his jurisdiction.

I am an ex student and a member of the alumni. Does that give the president of the alumni the right to DICTATE what name I give to my egroup? Or rather, what name NOT to give.

Legally and morally, I am convinced I did not commit any wrong doing.

Just as it was not 'becoming' for my colleague to state opinion in a meeting, so is it for me for not giving way to the president of an alumni.

Huh! Whatever was it that actually caused PRU12 tsunami? Paradigm shift or ???

On the 'Spurs'

Finally, I managed to hold a small celebration to honour my girl. She graduated last month and managed to get a job right away. It was such a blessing ... not having to go through that pain of long wait after wait between job interviews.

I am not well. Doctor diagnosed cervical spondylosis [a degenerative condition where 'spurs' grow on the first and second spine which put pressure on the spinal nerves which affect parts of the body served by that particular nerves]. I have problem with my legs which is compounded by knee arthritis. I can't walk far or stand too long. Celebration meant inviting friends over for 'partying'. It's been five years now since I moved back to Jerantut from Gemencheh and my colleagues have been pestering me the past 3 years for a house warming party.

I wanted to do something special for well over 80 colleagues and friends and neighbours I ended up inviting.

I served my very own Bihun Kool and Kool Soup with garlic buttered toast as the main dish and the usual Cream Caramel and Triffle as dessert. Someone requested Bubur Kacang [mung bean sweet porridge] touted as the best bubur kacang in the world [I guess their world is very much restricted within Jerantut only]. I still have some sushi rice and some of my friends who missed the sushi I sell last Ramadhan have been asking for it. Sushi in Jerantut is a novelty - many have 'heard' about it, seen it on those Japanese and Korean soaps on tv, but have never get the chance to try it [see! sometimes one's world is indeed small despite the present advance of globalization].

The party went very well. My friends were happy with the different food served. My father was happy to meet the neighbours. All in all everyone was happy except my legs. The next day my feet wouldn't fit into any shoes and I ended up wearing sandal to work.

Kembara - First Wash

In the morning, Ayong excitedly get down to give her newly acquired dream car a not that much needed wash. For people in our economic class, I'd say it is the feeling of novelty of owning one's own car. More so in Ayong's case, it was a luxury we both never dreamed of achieving that soon. Much as it shamed me to admit, the method of acquisition is also rather stupid some might think. Compared to current interest on second hand car loan which in our case stands at 3.4% per annum, I made a personal loan at plus 5% interest.

I had to do it [not that Ayong put a pistol at my head]. She is not ‘eligible’ for a car loan just yet. She has to have at least three months pay slip before committing herself to the world of debt … L

I am praying very hard our present flip flop PM will not do further damage on the country's economy and Ayong will be able to arrange to finance the car herself soon. My back is breaking with all the loans on my head.

What Matters

Ayong came home after two weeks in Raub. She arrived after dusk. She didn't come home the first weekend because the landlord wanted to replace the broken ceiling fan. I drove over and spent the weekend at 'her' place [she has her own now ... I can't explain how I feel - sad and happy both at the same time].

Thursday the nineteenth was my birhday. Fortyeighth [hmm! not too glaring when spelled compared to written numbers ... hahaha]. Ayong bought my favourite Blueberry Cheese cake. [Nooo! We didn't finish the whole cake ... ;p]

As I was going through some old work, I found something I thought was lost to me forever. I have had to constantly reformat my computer due to virus attack. I saved my works on CDs. Due to carelessness on my part, some of the CDs became unreadable. I was dumb struck for the lost files and folders were collections of pictures, articles and pieces I found meaningful.

Just my luck, I found one I used as a dummy when learning to burn CD. I wish to share one of the saved piece here.

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed. Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.

So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built, not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.

It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Michael J, HumourNetwork.com


This piece is dedicated to a very special friend who helped me see the rainbow after the rain. Thank you.

Erma Bombeck

A friend send Erma's inspirational poem "If I Had To Live My Life Over Again" to my inbox.

I wish to share the poem here.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer)

If I had my life to live over,
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner
even if the carpet was stained,
or the sofa faded
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room
and worried much less about the dirt
when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen
to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose
before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children
and not worried about the grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television
and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick
instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern
if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical,
wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy,
I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously,
I would never have said,
'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner..'
There would have been more 'I love you's; more 'I'm sorry's.'
But mostly, given another shot at life,
I would seize every minute...
look at it and really see it ...
live it ... and never give it back.

I have the very same wish too [except that husband part - on that part, my wish would be ... I would have made sure my husband take up more responsibility]