Yesterday When I Was Young

Charles Aznavour
Yesterday When I Was Young


Yesterday when I was young
The taste of life was sweet like rain upon my tongue,
I teased at life as if it were a foolish game
The way an evening breeze would tease a candle flame,
The thousand dreams I dreamed, the splendid things I planned
I always built to last on weak and shifting sand,
I lived by night and shunned the naked light of day
And only now I see how the years have run away
Yesterday when I was young
There were so many songs that waited to be sung,
So many wild pleasures that lay in store for me
And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see,
I ran so fast that time and youth at last ran out and
I never stopped to think what life was all about,
And every conversation that I can recall
Concerned itself with me, and nothing else at all.
Yesterday the moon was blue
And every crazy day brought something new to do,
And I used my magic age as if it were a wand
And never saw the waste and emptiness beyond,
The game of love I played with arrogance and pride
And every flame I lit so quickly, quickly died
The friends I made all seemed, somehow, to drift away
And only I am left on stage to end the play.
Yesterday when I was young
There were so many songs that waited to be sung,
So many wild pleasures lay in store for me
And so much pain my dazzled eyes refused to see,
There are so many songs in me that won't be sung
Cause I feel the bitter taste of tears upon my tongue
And the time has come for me to pay for yesterday
When I was young.

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/charles_aznavour/#share


The irony is ... here I am wishing I have done all that ... being adventurous, having all the fun. Haihhh!!!

First Taste of THE Cup: World Cup that is

I was born on this day fifty years ago.

When I was 15, I wondered how would it feel to be 50.

Well, I am 50 today.

When I looked at myself in the mirror this morning

I still see the same 'old' me

the 'me' I've always seen in the mirror

I never noticed when I gain height or weight

I never noticed when I grew up and grew old

'Coz, everytime I look into my eyes in the mirror

I always see 'me'

The one I have known since I was born

Half a century ago

I do have some more to pour out here

But I did not sleep until 6 am today

Watching a delayed telecast of World Cup

something I have never done my entire life

Last night, my girl came back

and got very excited watching the match 

between French and Mexico

While I was trying to finish the 'spring cleaning' job 

I started months ago

she went ...'haaa! haaaa!!! ahhhhhh!!! ISHKKKKKK!!!!!

haaa cantikkkkk [beautiful] ... nice one! come on!

I casted few glances at the 42" plasma Panasonic

and noticed

the players, all of them, both teams

have a very strong, confident control

over the ball

with their legs!

very much unlike the games 

I saw my students played on the school fields

or the local games I saw on tv years ago.

And there I was

my cleaning job forgotten

instead, I cooed over the beautiful games

taking over from my girl

who eventually fell asleep on the sofa

with a surgical mask over her nose

[for she suffers rhinitis and I was 'cleaning']

she has been sneezing her nose off non stop

since she arrived in the late evening.

To think that when my friend sms'ed me 

on the first day of the games

I replied ... "thanks but not my cup of tea!"

hehehehe!

Guess, after half a century,

I am learning to savour 

THE cup 

But now

this old lady

is going to take her afternoon nap.

Attitude

Huarrgghhh!!! Masuk minggu kedua cuti sekolah. Ada tiga kelas lagi nak kena siapkan tanda kertas. Mak aih! Bosannya!!! Nak lepas stress kat Farmville, dah berminggu tak leh access.

 

Orang pejabat telefon pepagi lagi. Kacau betul lah! Cuti pun tak senang. Ada ada je! Menyampessssss! Nak muntah. 

Untuk jimatkan kos, terus ke hospital ambil ubat darah tinggi. Patutnya pergi hari Jumaat. Farmasis ok jer tka banyak songel. 

Tengah jalan balik, nampak orang jual petai kat tepi jalan. Gecor air liur teringat makan petai jeruk kat rumah Tim di Maran bulan lepas. Baru minggu lepas telefon Tim minta dia belikan kat pekan sari Maran. Tim gelak. Bukan dibeli tapi dia buat sendiri rupanya. Dia ajar camana nak buat.

Harganya RM5 seikat. Seikat ada lima papan. Bulat bulat mata petai ... cam mata Uji Rashid ... hahaha! [jangan saman kak!]

Kalau ambik dua ikat, tak de diskaun ke dik?

Senyap.

Keluar not lima puluh ringgit. Budak tu pulangkan empat puluh ringgit.

Kat sebelah budak jual petai tu ada orang jual tembikai. RM1.30 sekilo. Minta dia belah nak tengok elok ke tak. Tak ada pisau. Tak pe lah. Timbang. Lebih sikit dari 5.6kg. 

"Bayar RM7.50 dah lah kak". 

Ok lah.

Hulurkan not sepuloh ringgit.

"Tak de duit kecik ke kak?"

Laaaa .... sepuluh ringgit, bukan seratus ... 

"Kak pergi tukar dulu lah kak"

&@#**+^&&%%$$$##@@

Tak payah lah.

Hidupkan kereta dan terus berlalu.

Kenapa?

Sakit hati.

Nak berniaga .. pisau tak de, kalkulator tak de, duit kecik tak de , budi bahasa tak de.

Eh???

Rasional aku...

Kalau aku di tempat penjual tembikai tu ... aku yang akan ikhtiar untuk tukarkan duit tu ... tukar ngan budak jual petai tu ke ..tukar ngan orang jual goreng pisang ke ... habis tak de .. aku akan menyeberang jalan ke kedai Caltex beli lah gegula sebiji, janji dapat tukar duit. Ringkasnya, aku akan pastikan aku dapat jual tembikai tu.

Hmm...

Entah entah penjual tembikai tu dok kutuk aku bertambun ... apa hal le mak cik tu ... ingat beso sangat ke duit dia ... kete pun wira buruk ... berlagakkk!!!

Aku bengkek sebab rasa attitude penjual tembikai di tepi jalan tu tak kena.

Mungkin dia pun bengkek kat aku sebab rasa aku ada 'attitude'.

Tapi kan ... 'customer is always right'

HEHEHEHE !!!

Raison d'etre

Been trying to finish marking the mid year exam papers. The whole week of the school holidays is gone. A rendezvous at Swiss Garden Resort has been cancelled due to the World Cup. Nothing much to look forward to. There is so much to get done.

18:03 a message came in. From Z. " I'm going for J** mp. What say u? Which platform shall I take?

I responded - "MasyaAllah! Take d right one. I believe ur choice is d right one."

He replied - "tq. I need your support k"

And I responded - " U have it. Always have. May Allah's blessing's b with u."

And then I burst into tears.

Sadness and anger intertwined.

Why did he tell me that? What was it for?

For support? Yeah I can give him my vote. ONE vote. I don't have anything to bring him other's.

How much support is that?

Is he SMSing everyone?

In that case, the one I received was just a politician's game 

... when I read more between the lines ...

*sighhhhh*

Ketupat Sotong

Last month I had a sudden craving for a local Kelantanese delicacy called Ketupat Sotong. A strange sweet dish made from glutinous rice stuffed into squids.


Went to the 'nearest-to-a-supermarket' we have in this quaint little town to get my squids. They only have the large ones. Ketupat sotong is best made with small sized ones. Large ones tend to be tough and chewy. I bought two anyway. Just got to get over the craving. I might die 'kempunan' [unfulfilled wish]. Hehehe! 


I used only one squid. Washed it real good, making sure to take out the 'mandible'. Then I half filled it with cleaned and soaked glutinous rice. Put it in a pot, covered with thick coconut milk and sweetened with palm sugar. Half a teaspoon of fenugreek, julienned ginger and a crushed lemongrass are used to take away the fishy smell from the squid. The pot was left to boil on slow fire until the coconut milk was reduced to about a quarter. 


It took some times to get the liquid reduced. I forgot all about it until I smelled caramel [burnt sugar]. Well, the ketupat ended up slightly overcooked. The caramelised sugar gave it a slightly concentrated taste. But, the squid was just a wee bit too big and I probably have filled it a bit too much ... the middle part failed to cook properly. The ketupat ended up being a bit too chewy.


The endeavour became a great conversation piece with friends and family. Really. The delicacy is becoming extinct. It is a weird kind of food. Squids in sweet sauce? That is not strange to me. I grew up savouring it. Why, those Japanese chefs never have any problem coming up with such food on their menu [couldn't recall any at the moment but I know I saw them on Iron Chef].


Saturday, Epit came home. Took the opportunity to take the TV to be repaired. It's been turning green, red and yellow for some time now. Had had to resort to banging it to watch my fav shows. Robin Hood hit cinemas last week and Prince of Persia opened on Thursday. Hmm ... a good excuse to go to town.


First, took the TV to the repairman. He said it could be ready in one hour. What???


I have had to send it for repair every year. I was kind of hoping it would be BEYOND repair this time so I have a great excuse to go shop for a new one. HAHAHA!!!


Anyway, I wanted to watch Robin Hood and Prince of Persia. So I went to East Coast Mall in Kuantan. Had more than an hour before the show started. I was in a shopping mall. There were lots of TV shops. We stopped at Panasonic outlet. Well, we ended up with a Viera 42" HD plasma seconds before prince of Persia started at hall 9.


Sunday morning I was still in bed in Kuantan when Ma called. Wanted me to drop by her place on my way back.


And this is the reason.

TA DAAAA !!!!!!! Ketupat Sotong


Sweet, juicy, yummy!!!

Ring: Pessary -revisited

Last December, I had a ring fitted to address stress incontinence problem. Most of the times i believed it helped a lot. Sometimes though, I wonder if it really addressed the actual stress problem. Anyway, I was happy for a while.


That was until I had the great fly through the air and landed on my bottom few weeks ago which left me at the embarrassing end of a walking stick to aid me up the stairs in school.


For a while, I thought I was done. First it was shingles and then the knee crunching touchdown. Well, I am still waiting for the outcome of the MRI done last month. The orthopedist warned me to be prepared for the another major surgery - the spine. That was enough to plunge anyone into despair.


To make matters worse, after the touchdown event, I started having pain in the lower abdomen. It got worse and I had to resort to taking celebrex. However, it got so bad on Thursday and I spent the whole night counting the hours for morning to come. Friday was Wesak day and I was not sure if the nearest gynae clinic [which is in Mentakab] would be opened. I called the clinic and thank God, it was opened.


My son smsed earlier that he was coming home on Friday. First I thought of waiting for him to arrive and then go to the clinic with him. However, the pain became unbearable and I had to drive myself. Called Pae to ask if she knew the place since she is a local there.


Took celebrex before starting the drive to Mentakab, about 60 km away. Had trouble keeping my eyes open along the journey. Reached Pae's place and she ended up driving me to the clinic and insisted on accompanying me. Thanks Pae. I really really appreciate the company.


Turned out I had a slight infection and the gynae advised me to remove the ring.


It was such a great feeling of relief the moment the ring was taken out. The abdominal pain subsided immediately


Then he sent me home with a 5-day course of antibiotics.


And here I am, 11 hours after the first dose of antibiotics. I have not taken any painkiller since and the pain is getting duller by the minute.


Thank you Pae for being there.


My son arrived in the evening. We went out for dinner. He had Nasi Goreng USA and I had grilled chicken.


One old lady is happy again.

Down Memory Lane: The Pain

Read a friend's blog. Left comments here and there. On one posting, my comment was the lyrics of Broery Marantika's Senandung Rindu [youTube here]. The blogger's response about the intense feeling portrayed by the lyrics triggered  a long lost memory.


Gosh! To dream but not make dreams your master. To think but not make thoughts your aims. To watch the things you gave your life to ... broken.  And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools. To heap all your winnings, and risk it all on one pitch-and-toss, and lose and start again at your beginnings, and never breathe a word about your loss. And to force your heart and nerves and sinews to serve your turn long after they are gone. And to hold on when there's nothing in you except the will which says to them ... "hold on"


And after ALL those, you lose to a GRO. The pain was and still is indescribable.


If I should stay
I will only be in your way
So I'll go but I know
I'll think of you
Every step of the way


And I will always love you
i will always love you
My darling you


Bitter sweet memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So goodbye
Please ... don't cry
We both know
I'm not what you need


I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you'll find 
All you've wished for
And I wish you joy and happiness
But above all these
I wish you love

Hari Guru 2010

Sempena hari Guru 2010, Kementerian Pelajaran menganjurkan GOTONG ROYONG PERDANA.


Seorang guru memulakan hari kerja dalam kelas dengan memastikan kelas bersih dan teratur dan semua pelajar berada di tempat masing masing beruniform lengkap mengikut peraturan. Menjadi tugas guru juga memastikan setiap pelajar BERSIH dan SIHAT.


Kalau lantai dan tingkap kotor, cikgu perlu pastikan kekotoran tersebut dibersihkan terlebih dahulu sebelum memulakan pelajaran. Semenjak jadi cikgu dari1982, sekali sekala aku sendiri menyapu lantai kelas dan membersihkan debu di tingkap bila ingatan pada pelajar seperti mencurahkan air ke daun keladi. Kononnya nak mengajar melalui teladan.Hampehhhh!!! 


Heran sungguh aku. Pengalaman aku di negara orang putih, tukang cuci mencuci segala permukaan dan celah hingga  berkilat. Tukang kebun amat bangga dengan hasil kerja tangan mereka. Bukan setakat potong rumput dan cantas pokok, malah mereka amat teliti menjaga keseluruhan 'sistem' laman/taman/kebun. Termasuk longkang dan tangga/bangku taman, air pancut dan sebagainya. Berbeza amat dengan tukang kebun kat tanah tumpah darah ku ini. 


Setengah dari mereka jadi tukang kebun kerana masa sekolah dulu mungkin jenis yang suka ponteng kelas. Bila kerja pun biasanya masalah disiplin mereka tetap sama. Kalau bukan ponteng waktu, 'ponteng' tugas. Masa aku di Gemencheh N9, tukang kebun datang kerja pukul 8.00 pagi tapi selepas jam 10.00 pagi dia dah pergi kerja luar ... kedai tayar.


Tak seperti sekarang di mana tukang sapu dan tukang kebun bekerja untuk kontraktor pembersihan, dulu, mereka ni berjawatan pekerja am. Bergaji bulanan, tetap dan berpencen. Boleh tuntut elaun kerja lebih masa. Jawatan pekerja am termasuklah budak pejabat dan pembantu makmal. Masa aku di Dabong, hari pertama ke sekolah dengan keretapi, aku duduk menghadap  [dalam koc keretapi dulu dulu, tempat duduk terakhir dipasang] seorang perempuan muda bergincu merah. Seorang pemuda duduk di sebelahnya.


P= Pemuda;    PGM=Perempuan gincu merah


P  : Kerja ke?


PGM: Ha ah.


P  : Kerja kat mana?


PGM: I staff kat  sekolah .... 


Memang aku selalu jumpa perempuan gincu merah kat pejabat sekolah duduk di sebelah meja yang salah ... maksudnya bukan sebelah bekerja tapi sebelah pelawat. Masa tu umur aku baru 27 tahun ... ta'kulan aku tidak anggun ... sekadar ada mata tengok, ada telinga dengar, ada mulut diam. Hanya bila aku terpaksa menumpang di asrama, barulah aku tahu dia tukang sapu asrama. Itupun bukan kerana NAMPAK dia menyapu tapi teman sebilik yang bagitau. Hampir setahun aku di situ ... memang setiap hari lah aku jumpa dia DUDUK di pejabat bukan nya membersihkan asrama.


Tujuan cerita aku ni hanyalah nak meluahkan rasa sedih yang teramat sangat kerana tahun ini, sempena Hari Guru, para guru di kerah bergotong royong membersihkan kawasan sekolah. Ini termasuklah longkang dan tandas. Memanglah gotong royong bersama pelajar, tapi cuba bayangkan jika dalam kelas pun, walaupun setelah mengajar melalui teladan, guru menyapu lantai membersihkan tingkap, namun masih gagal menerapkan nilai kebersihan kepada pelajar, ingat bila buat gotong royong pelajar akan berebut rebut membersihkan tandas yang telah mereka kotorkan? 


Rasa sayu sangat.


Terasa betapa nilai penghargaan kepada guru seperti sampah.


Menyedihkan!

Wake Up

I read on NST Online yesterday,

      

RM242,000 for 'TAY 1' plate

2010/04/27

KUALA TERENGGANU: A businessman thought the "TAY 1" vehicle registration number plate was in his pocket when he submitted a record bid of RM220,000.

But, how wrong he was. Another businessman from Kuala Lumpur submitted a last-minute bid of RM242,000 before the bidding closed last week.

State Road Transport Department director Abdul Rahman Emang Anyie however, declined to reveal details of the businessman, who is from Puchong.

He said the same businessman had also successfully won the bid for the number "TAY 9" for RM50,600.

He said the list of winners was on display at the RTD office here since last week.

In December, Abdul Rahman said the department received two verbal offers of RM200,000 for the number plate "TAY 1", which were offered by a businessman from Kuala Lumpur and a man from here.

This one person spent almost a quarter of a million RM for one car registration number plate and another RM50,000.00 for another.

I may be wrong, but automatically, my common sense tells me the bidder is one of the 26% of the population. I justify my sense with this [from here], 

"Dr Chua said the party needed to relook its approach as just providing allocations for Chinese schools, halls and better drainage systems was no longer enough"

A huge proportion of this population are city dwellers to whom breakfast is McDonald, coffee is Starbuck. Free WiFi. Broadband with full 3.5G. 

Couldn't help but agree with a blogger's thought here

"Or as one theory being bandied around is saying, the Chinese has already met material wealth and dominated the economy thus are now aiming political dominance?

They saw what they can acquire and be oblivion to the compromise and need of other communities in Penang and for a short while in Perak. When in power, the Chinese enrich their peers.

Sabahan still remembers the lavish giveaway of 100 years forest concession of almost 1 million acres during Chinese CM turn on the rotation.

While not in full power, Chinese Pakatan exco knows well to dominate with Chinese interests.

But is this the way forward disguised as Malaysian Malaysia or now rebranded as Middle Malaysia? Will this ensure racial integration and unity expounded by Pakatan's claim of multiracialism and multireligion?

Government has bend backward to satisfy the Chinese voters. They have introduced the concept of 1Malaysia, New Economic Model, more financial assistance to Chinese schools, scholarship to all races, and liberalising to business sector. Economy is recovering and more promising economic growth.

Is the Chinese telling that these does not mean anything? What they say they wanted is not really what they wanted. Are they saying they will respond only to a cruel emperor or a Mao Tse Tong like leader?

The Chinese is telling out loud to all Malaysans that it doesn't matter to them the reaction of other races.

They do not care if other races react similarly and the whole country vote along racial line with Chinese for Chinese, Malay for Malay, Indian for Indian, Kadazan for Kadazan, Dayak for Dayak, etc., Chinese will vote according to racial line irrespective of its impact on the country.

MCA and Gerakan can't be blame any more for their continual failure to deliver votes because the power shift within the Chinese community have moved to the head of clan and Chinese associations."

I wish to share a verse taken from here 

I looked out the window.
And I saw
Thousands and thousands of Chinese closing their doors. Minding their own business. Watching the soap operas. Playing mahjong. Going to the gym. Planning for holidays. Eating bah kuet teh. Enrolling their children in private schools. Going for line dancing. Changing to a bigger car. Perming their hair brown. Going to the movies. Shopping.
The Chinese. They don’t look out the window.
Their houses.
Have no windows

Why do I feel so betrayed ...

The Train : of thoughts - past and present

I was starting to feel a lot better than I had been the past few years. Having a lot less pain in the knees. Gaining speed in walking. Getting hold of the hormonal roller coaster. Listening to the birds' morning orchestra while getting ready to work. My girl, settled in her own place. My boy, o'well ... he has to commit his own mistakes and come out wiser hopefully. My parents' health improving. My brother's food stall still standing. The compound is clear of weeds and bushes. After a long time, I get to see the boundaries again. An officer from the land office came to take measurement of the lot for the purpose of issuing permanent title. Slowly and cautiously exhaling ... wishing for that creeping shiny streak to be the silver thread weaving between the thick dark cloud.


Attended a reunion of batchmates in celebration of turning 50 last week. Yup! We were born in 1960. The Year of the Rat. We are half a century old this year. [fb album here]


Lost my mobile phone on the way back from the reunion. Never lost one before. Has always been able to squeeze every mobile of its last juice. This one was a China mobile. At RM250, I got a touch screen, double SIM card and all other standard functions including a webcam. Yes, I could hook up the mobile to my laptop using USB and voila! I have a webcam [that I have to hold]. Never got any use for a webcam, though.


The SIM card was easily replaced. Cost me a mere RM10 to get a replacement. But the list of contacts and other info that I did not save elsewhere are lost forever. There were some sms I have kept since the first day I got the number way back in 2000. Sweet short messages from friends and family that I peep into whenever the low hits me. And as the number on the age increases, my time of drawing comfort from them increases too. 


I lost my mobile.


I do have another one, a Samsung SGH E950 which I used as a modem. I make calls from it whenever I run out of battery on my China mobile. I hate to use it for sms. The screen is simply too small for me.


That was how it went ... I was starting to feel better about my life in general and I lost the mobile. No big deal. Went to look for something to serve my need for mobility in internet and communication. Considered IPhone. Service provider is too restricted. Blackberry? Don't like the candy bar appearance. Also comes with heavy contract. Spotted Omnia. Hmmm ... another Samsung. My present Samsung couldn't accept bluetooth file transfer from other makes .i.e Nokia. Omnia ... Narnia ... insomnia ... hmmmmmmm ...


Felt strong enough to plan a bbq evening with colleagues last Friday. Wanted to share newly concocted sunquick laced bbqued beef sauce. 


So I went to bed early that night. Thinking of reserving energy for the long evening. 


Had a pedicure before the reunion. It's been more than a week and the heels were drying up fast in the extra hot weather and cracks were appearing. So, to cool them I smeared some Ellgy hyper rehydrating cream before hitting bed.


Must have been past midnight when my full bladder woke me up. Half asleep, I  staggered to the bathroom and realized too late that my 'creamed' heels would have a problem on wet tiles. Found myself flying through the air and landed on my well padded bottom. 


Touch down was ok.


However, the spread of the legs was a wee bit too wide for my arthritic knees and the crunch that followed seared the knees and I only managed a short holler before escaping into blackness.


Didn't know how long I passed out. Coming around to two throbbing knees on fire, I crawled out of the bathroom and managed to get on bed. Son called earlier and I was expecting him to be home at any time. Not bothering to find out the time, I put the BioDisk on one hour timer and gritted the teeth to arrange both knees to get the rays. I must have fallen asleep through the pain when son rattled my bedroom window and called from outside.


Took me forever to get to the door, opened it, told son I had a fall in the bathroom and went back to bed. Son asked if I wanted to go to hospital. I said I wanted to sleep first. It was 4.00 am.


At 6.00 am the alarm went off. I sent sms to the bosses telling them I won't be coming to work. Took Celebrex on empty stomach and went back to sleep. At about nine, got ready to go to hospital. The knees were still burning but I could walk. Well, wobble was more like it. Making some distance moving from side to side while putting out one foot after the other avoiding any slightest bending of the knee.


Went to outpatient. Long wait. Doctor asked why I didn't come to emergency earlier. Wanted to tell him that had I came to emergency, he would ask me why come to emergency for non emergency case. After all, there were no visible injuries and I was able to 'walk'. Instead, I answered - I was staying alone, couldn't drive and had to wait for my son to come back and drive me to hospital.


Doctor decided to have me admitted for observation because of the passing out. Sighhhhh!!! Student nurses sticked needles into me like I was a pin cushion and yet couldn't get the vein to stick the drip in. Until I couldn't take it anymore and asked them to stop.


A staff nurse took over. She whispered 'aloud' - kekadang ada orang ada ilmu ... sebab tu susah nak aambil darah ... sampai dia 'buka' dulu baru dapat [sometimes, some people practised certain rituals which made it impossible to draw their blood until they themselves let it].


I swallowed a chuckle.


Finally she managed to get a pink needle in.


She also needed to draw blood for lab test. Twice the blood clotted and the third draw was short so she had to do a fourth one. 


I was put on complete fasting. No food no drink. Last drink was when I took Celebrex in the morning. The hot weather chaffed my lips.


I drifted into sleep until almost midnight. After that I couldn't sleep. The legs were getting swollen and my whole body ache. Chatted with the staff nurse.


Then came an sms - I'm in J******t this Saturday. You have I**'s number? Shall we have tea? Who other xsmspian is around?


Responded - I'm replying from hospital bed. I can get I**.


Reply - Hospital? Y? Who's sick? Hope not you.


Responded - I fell in the bathroom last night. Admitted for observation.


Couple more messages which ended with - Ok. See you tomorrow evening.


Saturday afternoon, I was discharged. Son took me home and then he left to go back to university. 


I was alone.


And gosh! It was lonely being sick alone.


Suddenly another sms - Oops! Couldn't make it this evening. Let's have breakfast tomorrow. Name the place and time.


The night was long and loneliness prevailed.


9.00 am. Couldn't park near enough to the restaurant. Hate to 'wobble' in front of other patrons.


Went into the restaurant, hoping no one has arrived yet. Fat chance. They were already seated. A** was having fried bihun with sunny-side egg. I** ordered roti canai teh tarik. Z ordered roti canai and hot lemon tea with no sugar. I asked for warm lemon tea. They ran out of lemon. Ordered apple juice instead. Z asked for hot apple juice. I argued the point of having hot fruit juice which defeats the whole purpose of having the juice in the first place. I opted for cold one.


Conversation was light and easy when suddenly Z said - she is my x gf. 


I was stunned.


He went on to tell about how he waited for my letters every week when he first went to Nottingham University in 1978. 


And other personal things ...his side of the story.


Why would he made such confession ... in public!


To cleanse his soul?


That it was my fault when I didn't turn up at the airport when he came back from Nottingham?


How could I? in 1982, I was a young lady of 22 years old. Our culture does not accept a young lady travelling alone from Pasir Mas Kelantan to welcome home a young man in the midst of two bus loads of his relatives. My parents would have killed me then [exaggeration of course ... but that is the general idea]. 


Anyway, the correspondence ... all the five years of it ... he asked me to write to him about Malaysia NOT about myself. All the correspondences were DEVOID of any personal feelings. Mine were twice a week summary of the newspaper reports. His were a sporadic [read: whenever he felt like replying my twice a week letters, the most is once a month] journal of his daily life, a student in a foreign land. What he did over the weekends, places he visited, people he met [there were 2 girls mentioned]


There was NEVER any indication of a romance.


After he came home that 1982, I received a letter from him telling me of his stint at one of the local universities. I wrote back but never heard from him again. I even tried his home address ... a remote village near the National Park, hoping one of his relatives staying in the village would somehow get the letter to him. 


That was how I lost contact with him.


Until a reunion in 2003 at Pan Pacific Kuala Lumpur.


He attended with his wife.


He was an associate professor and me a junior DG41 teacher [3 years back from Nottingham myself, doing an in service course pertaining to a first degree]. Fate had it that I was sent to Nottingham University where he studied back in 1978. I went looking for the address I used to send letters to .. XX? Lenton Boulevard, Nottingham. Forgotten the house number. I was still married then, divorced the next year.


Trying to recapture the nostalgia of when I first stopped the bus and get down at Lenton Boulevard in the cold crisp autumn of 1996 and imagining someone I knew walking the pavement to the bus stop way back in 1978.


All the years of correspondence, he sent two photos. One of a guitar in his room, one of himself riding a bicycle into Nottingham.


And here we are ... 28 years later, sipping apple juice without sugar, his hot mine ice cold, reminiscing the secret of our youth at a table with two other people in a quaint little town.


The two friends made excuses to leave. Z wanted to visit the Sunday market to look for local childhood delicacies i.e smoked fresh water fish and preserved durian. 


He was taking the 12.15 pm train home.


At 12.00, I arrived at the train station bearing a little gift of home made preserved durian.


A** was there too to send his daughter.


I** arrived with his wife, also with a gift of preserved durian. And left immediately.


I stayed and ordered a warm lemon tea at the station's cafe.


He gave me a draft of his latest book "Melayu & Perjuangan".


I asked him to autograph it.


The train came. 


He got on it.


And I went home. 


Alone.

Do You Know Where You're Going To?

Here's an anecdote. I have read it somewhere but never bothered to take note of it until one of my favourite bloggers posted it on his blog

A boat docked in a tiny Malaysian fishing village.

A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," they answered in unison. 
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" 
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

“But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take jungle walks with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few teh tariks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.

"We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted,
"I have a degree from Oxford and I can help you!
"You should start by fishing longer every day.
"You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
"With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

“And after that?"

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. 
"Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant."

"And after that?"

"You can then leave this little village and move to KL, Penang or even Singapore!
"From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?"   

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist. 

"And after that?" 

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!" 

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire, 
"Live in a tiny village near the coast,
"Sleep late, play with your children,
"Catch a few fish, take walks with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends." 

"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" asked the villagers.


And the moral of this story is:

Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there. 

'Granny' P

"Eight women in their fifties were arrested for prostitution in Taiwan. They had charged their customers between NT$900 (RM94) and NT$2,000 (RM209) for each session." [from here]


I do not know whether to laugh or to salute these 'grannies'.


Also, with so many available pretty young girls, I really wonder who would pay that much to have the services of grannies.
.

The Final Decline of the West is Nigh - Dominique Moisi

My attention was grabbed by the highlighted paragraph. It may sound far fetched but the paragraph kind of accentuate my belief that a very structured force is meddling in the affairs of Asian and Middle East countries to ensure 'power/dominance' [I lack proper word here] when the time comes.


World Order, Village Elders, Tungsten-rigged-gold-bars ... smells fishy!

[Article from here]

2010/02/19

IN 2040/2050, will demographers speak of "the white man's loneliness", in the way historians once referred to "the white man's burden" to describe the so-called "imperial responsibilities" of some European nations?
Demography is not an exact science. Countless dire predictions, from that of Malthus to that of the Club of Rome, have been proven wrong. But, according to a recent and very convincing essay published in the magazine Foreign Affairs, a dual demographic and economic trend is taking place that will result in spectacular shifts by the middle of this century.

The Western world will represent only 12 per cent of the world's population, with Europeans reduced to six per cent. (In 1913, a year before the outbreak of World War 1, Europe was slightly more populated than China.)

Economically, the West will account for around 30 per cent of global output -- a level that corresponds to Europe's share in the 18th century, and down from 68 per cent in 1950.

What we are witnessing can be seen is a return to the past, with the West returning to its old place in the world before the start of China's long process of historical decline at the beginning of the 19th century. The West's long period of global dominance is ending, encouraged and accelerated by its own mistakes and irresponsible behaviour.

We are entering a new historical cycle, in which there will be proportionally fewer Westerners, more Africans and Middle Easterners, and -- with greater relevance economically and strategically -- many more Asians.

It is with these figures in mind that one must consider Barack Obama's decision not to attend the next European-American summit that was due to take place in Madrid in May. It would be tempting to use a formula coined during the Cold War to describe the comparative evolution of the United States and the Soviet Union and to apply the notion of "competitive decline" to the relationship between the US and Europe.

An America that may be undergoing a process of relative if not absolute decline chooses to ignore a Europe that in US eyes is no longer a problem compared with Asia or the Middle East, and that offers little help in finding solutions to the problems that most vex Americans.

In a hasty and excessively provocative manner, some in the American media are starting to speak of Obama as "a second Jimmy Carter" and predict that he will serve only one term. What is more serious is the impression that the American political system, with its inability to transcend party divisions and forge national consensus, is increasingly sclerotic.

America's political institutions have aged like the country's infrastructure. They were devised more than two centuries ago for a mostly agrarian world. Today, they need to be amended and rejuvenated. But that may not be possible, given the sacrosanctity with which many Americans regard the US constitution.

As for the European Union, the problem is not what will not happen in Madrid. The EU's problem is much more what happened in Copenhagen last December at the summit to "save the planet", or what is taking place before our eyes with the challenge to the euro posed by the weakness of some of its member states, most prominently Greece.

In Copenhagen, Europe came with a common and responsible position. The EU was "showing the way" to other great actors and behaved as the "good pupil" of the world class. The Union was ignored, with the US and China choosing to disagree over its head. Europe must realise that it cannot be seen as a model for anyone if no one any longer takes it seriously as a global actor.

But how can you be taken seriously by others if you do not take yourself seriously? The EU's new High Representative for External Affairs, Baroness Catherine Ashton, tried to justify her failure to go to Haiti in the immediate aftermath of its terrible earthquake by saying: "I am neither a nurse nor a fire person."

Lack of such skills did not keep US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton from travelling to the scene of the devastation to show her support and concern.

Confronted with revolutionary demographic and economic transformations, Americans and Europeans should behave in a much more responsible manner. Instead of ignoring the other (the American way) or lamenting a wounded ego (the European way), they should confront the common challenges they face as a result of a globalisation process that they are no longer able to master. -- Project Syndicate


The writer is a visiting professor at Harvard University

The Tyger

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? What the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And water'd heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
(William Blake 1794)

AKSHAH 2010

        ladies of Class '77 all decked out in bling blings

AKSHAH 2010 took place on 6th February at Dewan Sri Siantan, Kompleks Perbadanan Putrajaya. The administrative capital of the country. I have never been to Putrajaya since it became operative [I don't even know what year]. 

Lots of different opinions regarding the event. First of, it was supposed to be graced by DYMM Sultan of Pahang. Due to "unforeseen circumstances", an ex cabinet minister came instead. I was all geared in bling bling to serenade his royal highness "again" after TAHAP Silver Jubilee  [then I didn't get to do any bling bling because I had to put on a 'uniform' on that day]. Such a wet blanket! Ha ha ha !!!

Some questioned the rational of having a has been personality. 

Others on the ground that EXSAS should be kept apolitical.

Whatever justification dished out, it will not satisfy everyone.

There were areas which could do with some fine tuning but then, I know I could not have done a better job. 

Considering that not many members could afford to get their feet wet with the voluntary organising works, I personally feel the president and his committee members have done their best and the Fat Lady sang.

   The Fat Lady singing ASMARA with a live band

Taking for granted that I would be able to get the event on video later, I did not make any personal arrangement to have my moment on the stage, shot. Hmm ... what a pity! I only have this video of the final rehearsal done with a mobile phone by mrmasha. Tq Masha for posting it.