Single's shingles

I have been having weird pain in my eye and on the left side of my head since last week. Last Friday,after coming back from Kuantan Specialist Hospital I woke up with a strange bump on the left of my forehead. It started to itch and soon my left eyebrow started to feel strange too. Tingling burning itch which made me rubbed it raw. Then the tinglings travelled into my hairline and started itching terribly. At times it felt like some minute worms were burrowing deep into the skull especially under the eyebrow. My eyes started turning red and began to itch. the eyelid started drooping. The bump on the forehead became bigger, harder and redder. My whole body especially my back and waist ached badly.


On Saturday a lump appeared under each ear. Hard and painful to the touch. My left ear itched terribly and painful to touch along the temple. My eyes felt burning like I was having a bad fever. My breath hot. No fever. I lazed in bed the whole day just getting up to put the washing in the machine and taking it out to hang.


On Sunday I had to attend a rehearsal in KL. It ended early so I let my son took me to watch Avatar 3D. The movie started at 9.00 pm and there was about three hours to kill. Felt like I was coming down with a flu. Throat started getting tight and itchy. 


Killed the hours at a karaoke joint in the Curve. Didn't really enjoy it because my throat was getting funny. Pitching went all over the place !!!


The movie was very engaging but my skull was burning with itch. I thought it was the head scarf because I had worn it since early morning. 


The movie finished at midnight. My son drove me home. I fell asleep all the way.


Reached home about 2.00 am. Took a quick shower and tried to sleep. The itch  on the head and on the eyebrow was very disturbing. Didn't know what time I fell asleep but woke up at almost eight. School started at 7.30.


Buzy the whole morning and afternoon. Friends noticed the bump on my forehead, the red eye and droopy eyelid . Getting breathless trying to catch up with things. Was absent from work since Monday, taking Baba to the surgeon.


Class finished at 4.30 pm. Rushed home and collapsed on the sofa. No fever, just pain and burning sensation where it itched. Fell into a long nap.


Had trouble sleeping at night because of the long nap in the late afternoon. Went to bed in the wee hour of the morning. The neighbour's rooster had started to crow. About 5.00 am, woke up to a bout of violent dry cough, splitting headache and burning left eye.


Sent SMS to boss 'coz I could not go to work and then went back to bed. About eleven, went to see a doctor. Diagnosis - SHINGLES ! Asked the doctor when it will peak. Answer - within three to five days ! 


OMG !!! !!! !!!


That would be Saturday the sixth.


Saturday is D DAY I have been rehearsing for.


Been waiting for Saturday the sixth since last year.


Asked the doctor if acyclovir would make any difference. Yes it would but had to get it myself as the clinic doesn't stock it. 800mg 5x per day.


The pharmacy only have 200mg Zovirax. They do have the 800mg tablet produce of Balakong at less than quarter of the price of the imported product from GlaxoSmithKline Australia.


I chose to save my intelligence on the guesses. I opted for the original produce. I don't usually mind the generic ones but in this instance, I can't afford to be patriotic.


Search on google returned many links. One of them is this:-
Shingles, or herpes zoster, is a very common painful, blistering viral rash. Shingles is caused by reactivation of the chickenpox virus called varicella zoster virus (VZV). Shingles occurs in people who have previously been infected with the chickenpox virus at some point in their lives. Shingles usually occurs as a unilateral pain, burning, or tingling and blistering rash extending in a local pattern in the distribution of nerves. Common areas affected by shingles include the face, abdomen, back, buttocks, and chest. Red, itchy patches form across these areas and become small blisters that may be similar in appearance to chickenpox. The rash begins to clear after the blisters break and dry into scabs within two to three weeks.

Once people have had a single bout of chickenpox, the virus lies dormant in the nerve roots near the spinal cord or base of the facial nerve. It is thought that when a person has a weakened immune system or when their immunity to the varicella virus is diminished the virus can reactivate to inflame a nerve and cause shingles. Although shingles may happen at any age, it is most common in the fifth through sixth decades of life. Typically, shingles usually occurs most commonly in adults over the age of 60 or in those who are immunosuppressed (HIV, AIDS, or cancer patients).

Most people only get shingles once in their life. While it is not impossible to get shingles more than once, a recurrence is unlikely.

Shingles is often a severely painful skin condition. Some people may have pain in the general area days to weeks before the onset of the blisters. The most important clue to shingles diagnosis is unilateral pain and blisters on the skin. A typical shingles eruption never crosses the midline of the body and occurs only on one side: right or left. Extremely rare cases of shingles may become diffuse and spread to the entire body in patients with very compromised immune systems.

Common symptoms experienced with shingles include flu-like symptoms such as chills, fever, and fatigue, along with abdominal and back pain when those skin dermatomes are involved. In some cases when the virus has affected the facial area, people can experience loss of eye motion, drooping eyelids, taste problems, facial pain, headache, and hearing loss.

Effective treatments are available to help lessen the impact of shingles. For best prognosis and fastest recovery, early start of oral antiviral pills is most important. All shingles cases will eventually resolve with or without treatment.

Treatment started at the earliest stage of symptoms is helpful in shortening the duration and severity of the symptoms. Oral antihistamines like Benadryl may be used for itching, as well as oatmeal baths and calamine lotion. Analgesic medications like ibuprofen (Advil or Motrin), Tylenol, or Vicodin can be used for severe pain.

The most difficult complication of shingles tends to be the residual pain that may last in the area for months or years. Chronic pain lasting more than six weeks after the onset of shingles is called postherpetic neuralgia (PHN). Antiviral medications including acyclovir (Zovirax), if given within the first 48-72 hours of the occurrence of symptoms, can help reduce the length and severity of postherpetic neuralgia. 

Shingles is generally not contagious to those who have had chickenpox. Rarely, it may cause problems in pregnant women, infants, immunocompromised individuals, or people who have never had chickenpox. Touching the blisters or blister fluid may cause transmission of the varicella virus.

Varicella zoster virus is not "curable" because the virus stays dormant in the body for life. Once someone is initially exposed to the varicella virus, immunity develops that generally prevents a second bout of typical chickenpox. However, this immunity may fade over time, making older adults more prone to a later onset of a limited recurrence of the chickenpox virus as shingles.

Testing for shingles may include viral cultures, Tzanck prep (microscopic exam and staining of skin), and blood testing for titers of antibodies to the varicella virus.

Shingles prevention steps include vaccination. There is a U.S. FDA-approved vaccine (Zostavax) for adults 60 years of age and older to help lessen the risk of shingles. Zostavax is a live attenuated vaccine and therefore carries a small risk of shingles when administered. There is also a U.S. FDA-approved chickenpox vaccine called Varivax which is used primarily in a single dose for children between 12-18 months of age or older who have not had chickenpox. [source here]

Hmmm ... I am marking my fifth decade with shingles.

I am single and I have shingles.

That is loads of PAIN.

Baba: in pain again

27 days into 2010. I am at my daughter's place beside the beach, hoping to watch the sunrise. Woke up to a torrent of morning shower. The sky is dark at 7 am. No glimpse of the orange ball.

At about 8.00 am a slice of the dark sky was seared.




Came here yesterday. Had to take leave from work. Baba has been unwell and has finally agreed to be seen by a surgeon. Went to see Dr Huzaimi at Kuantan Specialist Hospital. He ordered a colonoscopy to rule out cancer. To Baba's horror, he cannot take food until the procedure the next day. Only juice and plain water. 


We were told to come back at 9 am the next day.


We retreated to the house by the beach. 


At 6.00 pm Baba had to take his first 45ml of laxative. 


It was a long night for Baba. Must have been longer for Ma. I knew it was very long for me. I kept counting the hours.


Baba rolled out in pain throughout the night. To see Baba in so much pain was unbearable.


At 6.00 am Baba had to take the second bottle of laxative. That made his visit to the loo more frequent. He refused drinks saying it made him purge. Ahhh!!! Tension nyerrrr!!!! I was scared he might get dehydrated.


By 9.00 am we arrived at the hospital and since I have already done the registration yesterday, all that was left to do was pay the deposit and off to wait for the procedure in the ward. The lady at the reception was very attentive. Seeing Baba dragged his pain ridden body, she quickly get a wheelchair and helped get Baba into the lift to the second floor. Baba was swiftly settled into a bed next to the toilet.


By 10.30, Baba was getting rather agitated. He reasoned that since the doctor told him to fast until 9.00 am, he can break the fast after the hour. I went looking for the doctor. He was not available. I asked the nurse if Baba can be put on IV because he has been purging for more than twelve hours and he has not been drinking any water. Nothing.


I expected the doctor would come to see Baba in the ward. No.


By 12.30 I went to the nurse's counter again and saw the doctor there. Told him of my concern. He made a few calls and scolded a few people for not setting up Baba on drip.


What was that????


Anyway, he came to see Baba and told him to drink as much plain water as he want because he can suck the water out of the stomach later during the procedure. At the same time, nurses rushed in to set up IV drip.


The doctor ordered a very fast drip.


The drip bottle emptied in about 10 minutes.


At about 1.30, Baba was taken to OT. Doctor said it would take about half an hour.


I took Ma for lunch at the hospital's cafetaria.


About an hour later, we got back to the ward just as the nurse got on the phone to call me.


Baba was sleeping, apparently still under sedative.


He woke up few minutes later and saw the lunch he ordered earlier. It's been 24 hours since his last meal.


I went to ask the nurse if Baba could take his lunch. NO. He has another procedure to undergo. Ultrasound scan. No food allowed. Only plain water permitted.


3.30 pm and still waiting for the scan. Baba was ravenous. Been fasting for more than 24 hours now. I went to ask the nurse how long before the scan would be available and asked if Baba could have some food. The nurse ordered a light meal; two pieces of wholemeal bread with butter and strawberry jam and a cup of hot cocoa. Baba seemed better after the hot drink.


At about 4.00 pm, Baba was taken for the scan. I took Ma down for cuppa hot drinks. 


When we came back to the ward, Baba was in the toilet. The doctor came with the diagnosis. Baba has acute gastritis, inflammed pancreas and swollen colon, all of which are unoperable.


The result was - doctor could not take away Baba's pain.


He could only give medications to help relieve the symptoms.


Zantac, xxxxxx and xxxxxxx [forgot the name of the medications, will get it later]


Looks like same old same old !!!


At a cost of over rm2k.


Would I rather wait for the appointment at Temerloh Hospital scheduled on 8/3/10 and save 2k?


Big thumping NO!


I would do it again at whatever cost should the need arise.

Happy New Year

Another hour and a half before the clock strike new year.

1.30 AM

2010

It's the New Year.

Went outside to see if the eclipse has happened. No eclipse. But moon was full. Bathing everything in silvery cold light. Throwing dark menacing shadows all around. Funny how the shadows scare me so now. Unlike six years ago when I first moved in. The silver light was the same but the shadows grew.

1.30 PM

Twelve hours into the new year.

I haven't finished this entry.

Today is 11th. Eleven days into 2010.

How do one say 2010?

Well, coming off 2009 I would naturally say two thousand ten.

I read on Yahoo, that some guys who called themselves the National Association of Good Grammar (NAGG) decreed that 2010 should officially be pronounced "twenty ten" and the subsequent years should be pronounced twenty eleven, twenty twelve etc. The '20" should have been pronounced "twenty" all along because every year in the 20th century was pronounced "nineteen something". "Twenty" follows "nineteen". "Two thousand" doesn't follow "nineteen".

That's LOGICAL, claimed NAGG.

However, a noted linguist, Professor George Lakoff of UC Berkeley said it is not wrong to say "two thousand ten" because 'twenty ten" is not the right way due to cognitive reference points, standard of speech and the anachronistic recognition over the notion that grammar can be right or wrong as people and cultures evolve.

Thus, the master linguist and the grammar police agree that "Twenty-ten" is going to take over because it is the shortest and easiest to understand.

NOTE!

People and cultures EVOLVE !!!

Hence the field of pragmatics is getting more prominent.

And here we are in a deep polemic over the word Allah.

Some time in 2008, I attended an interfaith dialogue held in KL. At the end of the dialogue, someone asked how many Christians in the audience would say "There's no other god but Allah". A good many did but one person didn't.

Ring: Pessary

On Monday I attended an appointment at neurophysiology unit in HKL for a test to rule out Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Despite the appointment given, I had to wait for the whole hour before I was attended to. It took two hospital assistants to operate one machine. I guess that made such test rather costly.

I had planned to travel directly from HKL to Kuantan for my visit to the gynae on Tuesday. However, I realized a credit card was not in its usual place in my purse. Then I remembered I made a payment at the deposit machine back home and I didn't retrieve it from the slot. Gosh!! And that was one week ago. I didn't store any number to call, so I had to go back home.

Turned out, the card was actually stuck in the machine and the bank has already frozen it because I did not made any inquiry.

Lesson learned: store the hot number in the mobile.

Early Tuesday morning I drove to Kuantan and reached the hospital just in time for the appointment at 11.00 am. Still, I didn't get to see the doctor until almost 1.00 pm. 

The appointment was a follow up for the MEA procedure I underwent in March. The appointment was supposed to be last September but I totally forgot about it. I put the reminder in my mobile and the battery went flat on the day of the appointment. So much for technology!

Well, the procedure worked. I no longer have the same complaint. The only one left was the prolonged coughing I have been having, giving me problem with leaking bladder. The gynae said at my age, it is common for some muscles to start weakening and since previous urodynamics test done prior to MEA ruled out sensitive bladder so the gynae suggested pessary ring to address the problem.

The gynae made intelligent guess about the ring size based on my age and body size. She asked for the biggest size. They don't have it in stock. The gynae went on to use a smaller ring and offered a houseman to try her hands at fixing it in.

The gynae warned of possible bleeding and discomfort. That was enough to make the experience painful ... imagined mostly.

However it turned out the ring wouldn't fit. So the pain was not imagined after all.

The attending nurse didn't believe it when the gynae asked her to bring the smallest ring.

I was told to come back to the clinic at any time without appointment should the ring pop out or on occurance of any other unexpected problem.

I dared not make the 2 hours drive home so I put up at my daughter's place in Pelindung. The rest of the afternoon and the whole night, the ring rubbed me silly and it felt like being 'f***ed' from inside sending me exploding every now and then. I felt slightly feverish the whole night and decided to go back to the clinic.

I called up the clinic in the morning and was advised to come the next day because it was an OT day for many of the doctors. I spent the whole day resting and surfing the net. 3G is available in Kuantan and my daughter has a 3G wireless broadband modem which makes surfing the net easy. I was able to view some interesting videos, something I was not able to do at home due to my small broadband and slow modem.

Managed to download an old song by Titiek Puspa 'Minah Gadis Dusun' for practice. Hope I made it through the audition on 20th of the month for AKSHAH, a two yearly event organised by my alumni graced by HRH the Sultan of Pahang. Yup! Another performance for the royal scheduled for February next year.

Tok Guru Ngaji

This photo was taken on last EidulAdha. The lady is my old teacher - Tok Guru Ngaji - who taught me to read the Quran when I was 11 years old. Accept for bending back, she looks the same after 38 years. I lost count of how many children she has. Her eldest is five years my junior and her youngest is many years younger than my own.

I left my village at the age of 12. Went to a boarding school in Kuantan, went on into teacher training college in Melaka, posted to schools in Kelantan, Perak and N9. Went on to further my study in England and finally came back home to settle down while getting married and divorced, and raising up two children in between.

It's been seven years since I came home and every year I would meet my old Tok Guru Ngaji who never failed to visit my parents every eid.

I came to know that my Tok Guru Ngaji suffered post natal blues towards her later birth givings. Perhaps the stress of too many children and her late husband, a self employed man who preferred to spend his time with his 'Dikir Barat' group. Because she gave birth almost every year, she seemed to be perpetually in the condition. The villagers came to accept her in her confused state. One of her sons married a teacher and stayed with her. She still goes out to peddle her garden produce and local cakes she made to the estate workers in the neighbourhood.

A dear, kind hearted lady.

My Tok Guru Ngaji.

Purple Flowers in Kool

Spent the whole of last week helping Epit do the lawn. The flowers have been neglected for almost two years now. The fountains we built have dried out filled with dried bamboo leaves. Even the bamboo dried out in the flower pot and last raya Epit lugged the heavy pot to the rubbish hole but for the expensive pot, it was left on the bank and new sprouts started showing when the rain started.

When we first celebrated raya in the house, we went all out to do up the lawn which included two self-made  fountains and a piece of trellis work put up by the fountain to hide the unfinished garage.

Then I planted this purple flower and when all else withered through my neglect over the past couple of years ... it hang on and still give me the pleasure of its beauty. And I don't even know what is it called.

Eidul Adha with Hornbills

Update 21/06/10
It was late afternoon on Friday 18th, the eve of my birthday when there was this loud 'cackle' coming from the coconut trees in front of the house. Told Ayong to get the camera out for I wanted to 'catch' pictures of the birds. It was too far off for the digital compact camera but I insisted. This is her best shot [cropped and enlarged 2x].

.

Went to bed in the wee hour .. it was already close to 4.00 am. Was cooking the peanut sauce for eid's breakfast with the children. At about 6.30 am ..there was this loud 'cackle'. I recognized the sound. It was the hornbills. I have seen them around the house a few times but it was never this close. I got out of bed and peered through the glass of my bedroom window.

There it was ... perched on the tip of the gabled roof of the porch. It's faded black and white feathers and the white bill againts the gray morning sky made it looked like a wooden carving. I tiptoed to my daughter's room to get the camera and tiptoed back to the window. As I tried to get it into the lens .. it flew away cackling merrily.

Again I was left with a googled picture.


However, the image of a hornbill perched on the tip of the gable on early EidulAdha morning left a very strong and pleasant impression.

The bird stuck around until evening.

I am hoping it will return to perch on the gable again tomorrow morning.

I Dreamed A Dream

Network sucks. Can't load my cyber farms. Lost quite a lot of coins. Almost bankrupt. Done PMR marking. Resigned from SPM marking since two years ago. The stress was too much. Age rode on bullet train and caught up with me ahead of time [hahaha].


As usual, am finding it hard to articulate my thoughts. In dire need of good stimulant to get started. Seriously considering ciggy but for the persistent coughing and wheezing which requires relief from Salmodil. Perhaps I need to go back to the inhalers.


The sky has been heavily casted with dark nimbus for the past whole week. Some parts of the country has been flooded and rain has not ceased for days now.


Attended a meeting of sort hold at De Palma Shah Alam last week to discuss songs for the upcoming AKSHAH. Hit a milestone with knot. Regret is creeping in now. 

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love will never die
I dreamed that god will be forgiving
But the tiger come at night
With the voice as soft as thunder
As it tears your hopes apart
And it turn you dreams to shame
And still I dreamed he'll come to me
That we will live our lives together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this HELL I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has KILLED the dream I dreamed

Culpable homicide?

I was so pissed off when I read this in the newspaper today.


In my humble opinion, this is a clear cut accident case because the woman failed to control her car when the man stopped his motorcycle. The man is a thief but I am sure the woman has no murder on her mind at the time of impact. He must have stopped suddenly and the woman could have rammed into the fence and killed herself. 


I bet in some countries, lawyers would run over each other to advise the woman to sue this newspaper for the choice of words ".. he died after his victim RAN OVER HIM in her car in a dead-end valley". 


That's blatant slander.


I have a daughter. This could be her!

Moon Halo

Last night at about 9.00 pm, I took a steaming mug of black coffee to my favourite spot under the warm tropical sky to partake in my favourite pastime - sky gazing on full moon night. It was 14th Zulkaedah 1430H.

As I came out the door, the night was bright. I took my own sweet time before looking up the sky because I knew the moon was full.

When I did .. I saw something like this.

No! I didn't take this picture. I only had a 3mp phonecam. The whole phenomenon only appeared as a white dot on the screen. I googled moon halo and got this image here [moon halo]. It is the nearest image to what I actually saw. After sometime, I received an SMS from a friend in town telling me to get outside and watch the moon. Only then it occured to me to share the awesome phenomenon with my loved ones. I frantically sent SMS to every one on my phone list. It was hard SMS'ing while looking up at the moon! But I was glad I did. They enjoyed the rare occurance. A dear friend who lives on the 8th floor, climbed to the roof of a 10-storey building to catch the halo but the haze was too thick on his sky.


This was not so much about the beauty but to stand right smack in the middle of such a breathtakingly awesome display of nature was such a humbling experience.


By 10.30 the clouds move in and it was over.


So, this is the best I have. Alhamdulillah.


Ask yahoo yields this explanation:- 


That breathtaking vision in the night sky is the result of ice crystalsrefracting the light of the moon. The halo rings the moon when high, thin cirrus clouds made up of millions of these crystals cover the sky. The moon's light enters into the hexagonal-shaped ice structures and is bent before passing out another side of the crystals, causing a ring of light to appear around the moon. But this phenomenon is not limited to the moon -- given the right conditions, you can spot a sun halo as well.
Halos typically appear as a ring of white light around the moon or the sun, but they can also appear in color patterns. The most common type of halo is the 22-degree halo, so-called because the ice crystals refract the light of the moon or sun at an angle of 22 degrees. A less-common type of halo is the 46-degree variety, which has a larger diameter than the 22-degree but is also fainter.
According to folklore, a moon halo indicates that bad weather is on the way. There may be some truth to this since the halo is usually caused by high-altitude cirrus clouds that precede a warm front and an associated storm.
One dark, cloudy night, you might also be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of another spectacular moon show -- the lunar corona, when the moonlight is diffracted into hazy colored rings.

Syawal 1430

It is black and white this year for us [green 2007 and yellow 2008. And the curtain behind is my attempt until 4 am in the wee hours of Syawal. One third finished. But hung it anyway. Will finish it next year's Syawal ... hehehe!

The clan. My elder brother and his family of 5 children and 2 grandchildren are missing again this year. He has to work on raya day. Also missing is a widowed younger sister with her 2 girls. This younger sister was trusted into the care of a relative when she was few months old because my mother had to undergo an operation and I was barely 9 years old then. My father turned to a relative to help look after her. The relative 'refused' to return her after some times and with my mother's poor health and my father's unsteady income, things just flowed by and days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years and she grew up hating the fact that she was 'given' away while the rest of us were 'kept'. I guess she never forgave us for that.

So, this year, again I led the procession of forgiveness seeking from the parents. It got easier every year with everyone taking up the cue accordingly. Even the three years old twins.

Baba got emotional when some neighbours in the spirit of Eid, sent 'ang pau' [money filled envelope; adapted from the chinese culture]. He took offence in the good spirit arguing that such deed make him looked so pathetic. The neighbours are females. And just as old as he is. Just as unwell.

Baba has been overly emotional over every damn small things.

I have to keep telling myself and my mum and brothers to let him be. No need to argue with him. Just bear with his 'weird' way unconditionally. A man is a king in his own 'castle'. Treat him with respect.

We managed to end the day with a small bbq. All in all, it was a great Eid celebration for our small family.

I hope the nephews and nieces will remember each raya with fond memories.

SELAMAT HARI MERDEKA

Selamat hari kemerdekaan yang ke 52.

Last night I saw a programme on Discovery about a lion dance competition world level. Malaysian team made it AGAIN as the champion. Watching the happiness of the team members as they hugged one another ... it was pure joy.

I thought it was held in China or Taiwan or Hong Kong or Singapore. But turned out it was held in Genting Highland. Sadly, not even one Malaysian flag was shown in the show. And what struck me most was the absence of Malaysianess in the show. I kind of expect in an event at world level, at least Minister of Tourism would be there to present the championship cup.

Sad.

I remember once as I was undergoing physiotherapy at a hospital, a lady alleged that the chinese in Singapore are LESS chinese than the chinese in Malaysia. This winning kind of accentuate that allegation. They are even better than the mainland chinese in lion dance.

What do you know. They are Malaysian Chinese.

In America, the citizens are identified as African American or Korean American to denote they are American citizens of African or Korean decendant.

So why Malaysian Chinese and Malaysian Indian?

I do not believe it is a linguistic error. We got our independence from the British. Should there be any linguistic error in the official term used for such reference, I am sure it would not go uncorrected.

So what do Malaysian Chinese and Malaysian Indian denote? That they are Chinese and Indian CITIZENS of Malaysian descendant?

I am also of the opinion that is the purpose of vernacular schools. To prepare their children for the time they go back home to their mainland. Hence the term of reference fits all purpose and intent.

But no! As time goes by, this land of plenty beyond the tropical sea offers more opportunities. As the saying goes, "Seperti Belanda minta tanah" and "Beri betis hendak paha" they wouldn't be happy until they get everything. Look at Singapore!

What a sad affair.

All Americans, Britons, Australians etc speak one language and have one culture but here in Malaysia, the Malaysian Chinese and Malaysian Indians are more chinese and more indian than the people of the mainland themselves. Instead of they becoming Malaysians, they want Malaysia to be little China and little India with their own court and emperor and maharaja.

The winner of the World Lion Dance competition was Malaysian Chinese!

Malaysia oh tanah airku. Tanah tempat tumpah darahku.

My Final Curtain?

It's Sunday and usually I would sleep in on Sunday. However I have been trying to finish my raya curtain and it's not even half way done. So I got up 'early' [weekend early that is] and went straight to the sewing machine. Darn! No electricity! But I antipated that and had bought a new belting so I can operate the machine by foot pedal.

It was almost twelve when I finally managed to fix the new belting. It has been so long ago since I last operate the machine on foot paddle and my coordination of necessary limbs seemed out of sync. And the electricy came back on just then. Sheezzzz!!! I wasted almost 5 hours making a hole in the belt and securing the pin [lost a lot of sweat,half my mind, ALL my patience and almost losing a finger hehehe!].

A few rounds and the sewing came to a halt! Turned out to be a loose screw. My back started aching and I was struggling to get going when all of a sudden I realized this might be the last curtain I sew. It hit me so profoundly that I burst out in tears uncontrolably.

The last curtain I sew was 5 years ago and I never really finished it but I hung it nevertheless. I could have easily sent it to a tailor but there is some kind of satisfaction in doing my own sewing. I have always taken pride in my needlework.

A long time ago when the children were small I took to tailoring for friends and neighbours to supplement my income when their father was intent on carving his own niche, leaving me to take care of the children on a Rm60 per month of what was left on my payslip. The rest of it was deducted to pay for loans I made for him [not much but it was all I had].

Ayong and Epit have been pestering me for raya curtain since few years back. My excuse was the old curtain was still good. Ayong finished her study and started working last year. In March this year she was transferred to Kuantan and last June she insisted on getting new curtains for the house. We went shopping for curtain material at Ala Moda. Ayong's excitement rubbed on me and I felt well enough to tackle the sewing. Nothing fancy just loads of straight stitching.

So there I was, struggling with meters upon meters of curtain materials and I was hit by a strong emotion. My eyesight is failing. I have to take off my glasses and peered as close as I could get to the needle to get it threaded. I doubt if I could thread the needle in the next 6 years [I'll be 55 then if I am still alive]. That's when it hit me. For all intent and purpose this might be my final curtain [hehehe! feel the hair standing yet?].

There's no word to explain the feeling. The past years of my life flowed by leaving me drained. At about 2.00 PM, Ayong called to tell me she was visiting her father and would not be coming home for the weekend [she had to go to KL on Saturday, her father is staying in Nilai and Monday is Independence Day holiday]. I wasn't expecting her for the weekend [she already told me she won't be coming back] but knowing she was visiting her father made me feel so lonely and very sad.

At about 11.00 pm she called to tell me she was on the way and might reach home at 2.00 AM! I got worried sick thinking she would be driving on Karak highway alone at midnight. She arrived at 1.30AM, raveneous. Unlucky for her because I had mushroom omellete for breaking of fast. No left over! She chose to have instant roti canai with condensed milk because Maggie mee takes longer to cook.

He! he! I am happy again! My daughter is home. Safely.

1 Ramadhan 1430 Hijriah

My son and my daughter came home yesterday to celebrate the coming of Ramadhan 1430 Hijriah. It has been many months since I did any cooking. So I spent the evening cooking dinner for the three of us. Simple menu consisting of fragrant white rice, red spinach with squid soup and fried fish with hot fish sauce. My children missed my cooking and thoroughly enjoyed the simple fares.

We planned to have the customary Ramadhan early morning meal [sahur] at my mother's place which is 10km away. Just before going to bed after midnight, I fried some beef in oyster sauce in preparation for the 'sahur'. The three of us were already wondering if we would be able to get up in the wee hour for the 'sahur'.

My son knocked on my door at 5.00 am. Fasting would start at 5.44 am. My daughter called her grandma to tell her we won't be able to make it. The old lady said she was waiting for us to have the meal together. So we got into the car and rushed the 10km with my son behind the wheel.

We made it just in time. I even managed to have a dessert of fresh rambutan. All in good time. Praise be to Allah!

This afternoon, my daughter took her granny for raya shopping. Her brother took the grandpa to the optometrist in the morning. He wanted to make a new pair of glasses. I bought two pieces of Pagoda brand tshirt for my father.

It was so very long ago that the grandparents took her and her brother shopping for raya.

It was a longer long ago that I took them shopping for raya.

It will not be too distant in the future that they will be doing the shopping for me.

*sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

A Flu

For the past two weeks, students in the hostel were sent back home for flu. Hundreds of them. The health officer came to school on Monday last week to alert us of the raging pandemic. We were told not to go to the hospital in case of flu ... just stay home and isolate ourselves [social distancing and self-imprisonment are the correct terms]. We were also told to get ourselves the surgical mask and to practise good personal hygine ie. to cover our nose and mouth when we cough or sneeze.

At 3.00 pm Monday afternoon this week , as our resource centre was being assessed for a national level competition, a doctor announced the closure of the school. Two students were confirmed with H1N1. Though I sort of expected 'that' to happen since last week with hundreds of students getting the flu daily, still it gave me the sinking feeling. The thought that the 'leave' will have to be replaced on Saturdays leaves me pretty cheesed off.

By the look of things, we are facing a national health emergency. Health Minister is reported to be bandying with 'health curfew'. THe World Health Organization has declared that eight millions of us stand to be infected [wonder how they look at us under the social microscope].

With Ramadhan just around the corner and sugar is on the shortage again [always it's during the fasting month sugar goes short and come Chinese New Year, sugar is not only in abundance but at a lower price. Same goes for chicken and other kitchen essentials like onion and coconut. Weird coincidence!], I am wondering if there will be the usual 'Bazaar Ramadhan'. I sure hope the people have enough sense in them. Even without the threat of a pandemic, it is hard to keep the hygiene at a bazaar with food being displayed publicly and hundreds of people keep comng and going.

Yesterday, Health director-general, on NSTLive session said this disease is going to be around for a long time at least six months to a year.

Gosh!!! The surgical mask is out of stock now. From a mere 30 sen per piece, it sky rocketed to almost rm6 per piece here in my place in the heart of jungle.

Hmm ... perhaps my friend Tabib could recommend me where I can get a hazard mask [like the ones they wear in WW1?]. At least I don't have to change the mask everyday. Surgical mask is to be worn ONCE only, isn't it Tabib?

In the mean time, I will have to practise social distancing ... six months to one year?

SMKA TAHAP: SILVER JUBILEE

SMKA TAHAP celebrated the silver jubilee on 14th July. His Royal Highness the Sultan of Pahang honoured the celebration with his presence.

At the eleventh hour it was decided that some of us would perform songs during lunch. Though I have never done any public performance, I agreed when it was offered me. Not everyone get the opportunity to perform for the Royals [someone said to me that only the best performs for the Sultan ... hehehe!].

It was indeed a historical day for me. Singing for the Sultan of Pahang. But most unexprcted of all was the camaraderie brought forth by my willingness to participate in the event. Other staff who would usually shy away and wouldn't even say hello in the morning, came out teasing and joking and the good atmosphere lasted well into the week and spilled over. Well, I am glad such a small act produces a lingering good feelings. Alhamddulillah!

Today I get to view the photos taken on the day and posted my singing pics on my facebook [here] and that brought another bouts of teasing from my buddies. I love the jovial atmosphere created out of the teasings.

Should do this more often.

Crooner anyone?

Not A Melting Pot But A Cracked Salad Bowl

When I was studying in Nottingham University in 1995, some of my English lecturers made remarks referring to the uniqueness of Malaysian society. They wondered how in the world 'we' the Malaysian survive our differences and not kill each other as compared to other countries where the people are of the same race and culture but different religion. Just look at Sri Lanka, India, some African countries and also Ireland.

However, this 'picture perfect' society seemed to have been shattered after the 12th general election last year. There was a huge swing of votes and the government scraped through with only a very small margin. The opposition won in five states [out of fourteen].

As the world was hit with the worst economic recession in the history, we the Malaysians started falling apart at the seams of 'social harmony'. The 'glue' that hold us together for the past 52 years lost the grip.The country is reeking with racial tension.

Although the opposition did not win the general election, it was hailed as a beginning of a new era for this country. However, I see all the efforts of the past fifty two years crumbling to pieces. Before 2008, when I saw the street demonstations in Thailand, Indonesia and Philipine on TV, I always wonder how many of the demontrators really know their cause. At the back of my mind, there is this nagging question; is there a conspiration by an intelligence body to create havoc and panic in order for them to infiltrate and eventually take over a country. My friends always say I have been watching too much spy movies whenever I voice out my thoughts.

One thing for sure, after 52 years, the pot that has been melting the different cultures and religions is melted. Our differences are now held in a cracked salad bowl. I am wondering beyond yonder, how long before the crack splits. Looking at the way things are going, I doubt it will be very long.

Pa-eh-ya

Drove sixty km yesterday evening to HSBC Mentakab to settle an overdued bill. The grace period was until Friday but as fate had it I had to learn a lesson on that day.

I purposely chose to drive in the evening after office hours rush. I got to park right in front of the bank and it took less than 5 minutes to complete transaction via ATM. Though I am still nervous dealing with the 'machines' but the convenience they afforded me is pretty attractive so I put a lid on the jitters.

It was Sunday and I did not have anything since brunch. I drove around and got a parking space very near Pizza Hut. Got into the restaurant and I was seated promptly.

The place was full with weekend dinner crowd. Took me 40 minutes to get my Paella [new on the menu]. The ice had all melted in my drink and I very almost decided to leave without the Paella when it arrived.

I stared at it for some times thinking the waitress had brought me a wrong order. Really! Look at the picture on the menu.The mussels look freshly juicy and the prawns look plump.

Compare that to the actual Paella served to me after almost 40 minutes of waiting.

And honestly ... nasi goreng 'bodo' [plain fried rice] at my brother's stall taste twice as nice as this 'Pa-eh-ya' at less than one third the price and waiting time. [will get a pic of it very soon].

Huh! I paid rm17.15 for a serving of Pa-eh-ya and a glass of coke plus taxes. I will NOT go there again!!!

Lesson on 49th birthday

Friday 19th was my birthday and I got involved in a minor accident in the afternoon. I was in the middle of a junction with four cars in front of me waiting to get into the main road. My car was stalled right in the middle of the road just as I made it through the junction when suddenly out of the blue, a black Viva rammed into my right front tyre. Obviously the Viva was trying to 'cilok' [cut que] and rammed into me.

It was the time of the day when the call for the Friday prayer was going off any second. The junction was at the main road to the mosque. Busses and cars started hitting their horns and people on bikes and on foot started swarming over the accident. The driver of the Viva, a middle aged man, came out of the car. I couldn't get out.

The din was getting louder. The Viva driver asked me to pull out my car. I complied and he moved his car to the side. I came out to inspect the damage. The driver asked me why I 'suddenly' moved into the road and hit him. I was puzzled because I was in the middle of the road and he must have come from behind so how could I have banged into him. He 'proved' it saying since I was on the left and his car was on the right, so automatically he had the right of way and I was wrong.

Right of way my foot!

He was cutting que!

He banged into me!

I told him that.

He said he was disappointed because not only I did not apologize but I was 'berlagak' [outspoken]. He said it was clearly my mistake.

I stood my ground and I told him he was cutting que.

He asked me to go with him to the police station to make a police report.

I said fine!

I lead the way to the traffic department but the building was locked. I assumed it was closed for the Friday prayer.

The man suggested we go the the main police station in another part of the town. When we got there, we were told that we have to go the the traffic department and that the office was moved to another building.

As I was getting into my car to go back to the traffic department, I thought the man wanted to make a negotiation.

I listened to him.

Again he put the blame on me. I couldn't accept it and said so to him. He invoked the name of Allah to say that he was innocent, blameless. That it was totally my fault for banging him on his left side.

I too said in the name of Allah, I knew I was not wrong. That I was 'driving' on my right place on the road and that he was the one cutting que and hit my right front tyre.

I said I agree to disagree with him and will not make any police report or claim from his car insurance. After all, there was only a slight scratch on my bumper and his left passenger door.

The man wouldn't accept my truce and insisted I apologize to him.

I declined.

He said he needed to go for the Friday prayer and asked me to meet him at the traffic department about an hour later.

I left without saying anything. I knew I have 24 hours to report an accident.

I went home. I didn't even get his car number.

Called my brother to go to the police station with me after Friday prayer. There were two traffic officers around. I told them what happened to me. They advised me it was a case of 'cutting que'. So I decided to wait for the man to make the report first.

Apparently, he never turn up at the station.

I wasted my whole Friday afternoon.

I should have left the moment I decided not to pursue the matter.

O'well, this is the very first time I got into this kind of situation. Although I was convinced I didn't bang into the car, still I was not familiar with the 'legality' of the situation. I didn't want to 'commit' any unnecessary offence.

Well, I learned a lesson on my 49th birthday!

CHANGE

It's my birthday! I am 49. Phewwws!! Never imagine I'll be doing this at 49 [read: writing up a blog, sharing my personal experiences and opinions on the world wide web. hehehe! the most hit I got was when I posted some lyrics of English songs or some Erma Bombeck's poems].

I was reading Demi Negara on Satu Sekolah Untuk Semua [one school for all]. Being a teacher for the past twenty seven years I am very interested in the resolution. From my own sporadic postings here, I have penned my observations about the widening segregation among the various ethnics that made up this blessed land 'rakyat' [people].

Before independent, the British who ruled this country applied the rule and divide policy. The local Malays were kept in their traditional villages tending to their traditional lives of planting rice and catching fish. The chinese were brought in from mainland China to work the mines [tin, gold, iron] and the indians were brought in from mainland India to work in the rubber plantations. The mines and the plantations were the British colonialist's economic resources.

Under the colonialists, towns were developed where there were concentration of the British. Thus towns like Kuala Lumpur, Georgetown and Ipoh became bigger and better [with electricity and piped water] and developed faster [office buildings, business, transportation, hospitals, schools and other amenities]. The chinese and the indians were the major people living in towns in 'dwellings' provided by the colonialist 'Tuans' [employers] whereas the Malays stay in their own attap houses in their kampongs [villages] far from the modernisation and development and the infrastructure.

By the time of the independence, there was a wide economic disparity between the Malays in the 'kampongs' and the non Malays in the towns. When the colonialists left, the Chinese established themselves in the main towns and took over the country's economy. Many Indians who served their English masters were able to speak and write English and thus find themselves in a good job market in the towns leaving their illeterate counterparts in the estates. The Malays were left illiterate in their 'pelita' [kerosene lamp] lit, hand-drawn-water-from-the-well kampongs plowing the padi fields with the help of water buffaloes and going to catch fish in small hand made boats.

During the reign of the colonialist, the chinese and the indians were allowed to have vernacular primary schools for the reason that they would eventually RETURN to their mainlands. They wanted to have their children educated in their curriculum and taught by teachers from the mainland.

After independence they still want to keep the vernacular schools.

Vernacular schools institutionalised racism at a very young impressionable age of our children. Racial distinction is further compounded by media programming and commercial adverts through petty racial profiling and prejudices.

On May 13th 1969 the non Malays showed their true colours.

2008 general election uncover this so called 'melting pot of races and religion' which is actually a 'boiling couldron of intolerant racists and zealots'.

After 52 years of independence, a large number of the citizens are functional-illiterates in the language of this country they claim citizenship of and conveniently ignore the efforts of nation building and social integration expected of citizens of any nation in this world with just a phrase of "tak tau cakap Melayu" [can't speak Malay].

It is very sad to note the the whole world is looking up at Obama for making the American Dream when in the same breath "24+7 percent of the populace hold our beloved nation hostage to debilitating social fragmentation in perpetuity" (Demi Negara).

What a sad sad situation and it is getting more and more absurd!