Each Day I Live ...

Last Tuesday I went for a follow up with a gynae at HTAA Kuantan. The doctor did a pap smear and cervical biopsy and ordered further tests. The biopsy was done without any anesthetics. The doctor said I'd feel a 'vacuum' in the process.

I did not expect any pain.

The 'vacuum' was in fact a sharp spreading pain [ngilu]. It was like being pierced with thin blunt needles. The doctor had problem securing the desired amount of tissue and the vacuuming was repeated five times. I writhed in pain. I may have to go it again if the sample collected was insufficient.

I wished I was given some kind of anesthetics.

I requested for a mammogram and an appointment was set up for 27th August. This would be my second.

I took the opportunity to visit my alumni's second vice president who was warded on the 8th floor for viral fever.

It was leptospirosis.

The one my son had when the doctor at UIA medical centre diagnosed it as dengue fever.

The diagnosis was based on platelets counts. After three days, the count showed a slight decrease. The doctor said only when the count drop to 90 [I don't remember the actual number now] will my son be warded. In the meantime he was given paracetamol to ease the severe headache and high fever and sent off to his room with an order to come to the clinic every day for platelet count. He could hardly walk.

I took him home and nursed him the whole week before he begged to be taken to hospital. He was very sick. I took him to Jerantut hospital emergency unit.

After ten days, his platelets did not drop any further. I was sure it was the miracle of papaya leaf juice I kept feeding him every twelve hours.

However, the doctor at the emergency unit was sure it was not dengue. They diagnosed typhoid fever for the severe vomiting and high fever. He was warded and put on drip. A blood test was ordered.

I don't remember now how many days it took the doctors to finally recognized it as leptospirosis. I remember the attending doctor recommended that my son be transferred to Hospital Hj Ahmad Shah Temerloh for better facilities.

I refused on the ground that it would take another cycle of tests which will take more time. There was less than ten patients in Jerantut ward. The doctor had more time to attend to my son.

He went into hyperthermia. His temperature shot up to 41 degrees. Trainee nurses ran over each other to give him the ice bath. That amused him despite the severity of his condition.

The blood test result came and it turned out to be leptospirosis - a bacterial infection often wrongly diagnosed because of the wide range of symptoms [which include high fever, severe headache, chills, muscle aches, and vomiting, and may include jaundice, red eyes, abdominal pain, diarrhea, and/or a rash. The symptoms in humans appear after a 4-14 day incubation period].

My son was immediately given penicillin intravenously which miraculously brought his fever down. Plus doxycycline 100 mg orally every 12 hours for 1 week. Doctor let him returned to university after five days on doxycyline.

He missed three weeks of class and a few quizzes which contribute to his overall CGPA. Well! His PTPTN is being held for this semester because his CGPA is not up to the mark

He asked for a 'loan' from me. He quoted some monthly figures and I just nod my head without actually computing. I was too lost down my memory lane. He sounded just like his old man. I was left wondering how on earth [when is more apt] is he going to pay for the loan.

But then, God made mothers with great understanding and soft hearts.

I wonder if my son thank God for me?

Ode to my dear friends

I found this piece (without the title) in my inbox, sent by a dear friend. I am reproducing it with a bit of addition (in black).

The sombreness of the verses reflects my present mood. I am back to where I started ... watching things I gave my life to ... broken. Hoping there is still enough strength left to start all over gain.

Here's to all my friends. Wishing each and every one blue skies and everything nice. Forgive me if I have been a pain in the ###.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand (or vice-a-versa)

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real … but only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson,

love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life

It is said that love is blind but friendship is perceptive.

Making decisions

There was a nice posting on my egroup today. Reading it make me reflect on two events that happened last week. First, here is the posting:-

Making Decisions

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.

The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make........ ........

Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?

Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to
play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.

The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track!

Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.

"Remember that what's right isn't always popular... and what's popular isn't always right."

Everybody makes mistakes; that's why they put erasers on pencils.

Event number one.

A colleague with more than twenty years experience in the business, stood up to voice out her concern about losing focus of our core business. There were just too many ad hoc programmes which impinge seriously on some of our schedule.

Boss was gracious enough to 'accept' the comment during the meeting.

But guess what? The next day there was news of a repercussion for giving an opinion in a meeting. One after the other colleague thinks she should have taken it to the side behind boss's closed door.Although she was on the right track, vox populi sidelined her far sightedness.

Event number two.

I set up an egroup and named it exssssssHD. Exssssss because I am an ex student of SSSSSS. HD stands for Heavy Discussion.

After more than half a year, a newly elected president of the alumni's association which is registered as EXSSS caught whiff of my egroup. He asked me privately to explain what exsssssssHD is all about and subsequently 'asked me nicely' to change the name. He insisted to have it put on record that he had asked me nicely. Others have abide by his request in his capacity as a president of the alumni.

I posted my answer to his question on another egroup which actually belongs to him copied of course to my own egroup concurring to his request. Included in my answer was my opinion that rather than asking me to change the name, why not make it compulsory for such like groups to register with the alumni association and have the president or his representative join the groups to keep an eye and disseminate information.

I received a few brickbats for my posting.

Some of my friends thought I should quietly abide to the request and not make a mountain out of a molehill.

Some thought it was morally wrong of me to have my own group and discuss issues on it.

No one sees the logic of my suggestion. Some even missed the last line in which I proclaimed my group closed !!! Ssshhhheeeeeezzzzz !!!

I set up the group AFTER the owner of the other group announced [few times] to close it down.

Also, many members of the other group abhor long postings of heavy topics.

Furthermore, there was no legal complication whatsoever with naming the group as I did.

I believe there was no reason for the president to ask me to change the name. In fact by doing so, he has encroached on MY right. He is telling me what to do in matters beyond his jurisdiction.

I am an ex student and a member of the alumni. Does that give the president of the alumni the right to DICTATE what name I give to my egroup? Or rather, what name NOT to give.

Legally and morally, I am convinced I did not commit any wrong doing.

Just as it was not 'becoming' for my colleague to state opinion in a meeting, so is it for me for not giving way to the president of an alumni.

Huh! Whatever was it that actually caused PRU12 tsunami? Paradigm shift or ???

On the 'Spurs'

Finally, I managed to hold a small celebration to honour my girl. She graduated last month and managed to get a job right away. It was such a blessing ... not having to go through that pain of long wait after wait between job interviews.

I am not well. Doctor diagnosed cervical spondylosis [a degenerative condition where 'spurs' grow on the first and second spine which put pressure on the spinal nerves which affect parts of the body served by that particular nerves]. I have problem with my legs which is compounded by knee arthritis. I can't walk far or stand too long. Celebration meant inviting friends over for 'partying'. It's been five years now since I moved back to Jerantut from Gemencheh and my colleagues have been pestering me the past 3 years for a house warming party.

I wanted to do something special for well over 80 colleagues and friends and neighbours I ended up inviting.

I served my very own Bihun Kool and Kool Soup with garlic buttered toast as the main dish and the usual Cream Caramel and Triffle as dessert. Someone requested Bubur Kacang [mung bean sweet porridge] touted as the best bubur kacang in the world [I guess their world is very much restricted within Jerantut only]. I still have some sushi rice and some of my friends who missed the sushi I sell last Ramadhan have been asking for it. Sushi in Jerantut is a novelty - many have 'heard' about it, seen it on those Japanese and Korean soaps on tv, but have never get the chance to try it [see! sometimes one's world is indeed small despite the present advance of globalization].

The party went very well. My friends were happy with the different food served. My father was happy to meet the neighbours. All in all everyone was happy except my legs. The next day my feet wouldn't fit into any shoes and I ended up wearing sandal to work.